[ Ren hoped. He had that at the very least. Even if he never uttered a word and was happy not being noticed, happy to sit back and shoot the shit and get into dumb fights with his best friend Ren never thought he was being led on because he hasn't thought he say word one.
Still, he hoped. Maybe Ryuji meant something more. Maybe they'd reconnect after they both graduated and they matured and he'd see Ren from a little different of an angle. ]
Oh.
[ It wasn't for nothing - fuck, loving someone and being in love with them were separate things, felt no more sharply than in this moment. It doesn't mean that their friendship was bullshit, that the times they spent making sure the other didn't fall behind and staying up late texting about dumb shit to distract each other from an upcoming test and having sleep overs where they exhume the wasted remains of their respective shitty childhoods and try to find the nuggets of gold - those were all real. They weren't for nothing.
Just.
Oh.
What do I do now? ]
Um. That's -[ Stop, stop crying you idiot, it's not only about you. But Ren is crumpling in fast, furiously scraping at his eyes like it's going to hide or wash away the growing tide of tears, no chance of stemming an open stream once it's started. ] - that is, I'm glad you - you're figuring yourself out, and -
[ No chance. No chance no chance nochancenochance - ]
Y-you were okay w-with... telling me after I... m-made a fool of myself an-and put you on the s-spot.
Mmm. I'm. Happy for you. I r-really ammm.
[ It's not about you. It was never about you. Why, whywhywhy-
Ren's shrunk down into a shadow of himself, face buried back into his knees like it's the only thing holding him up from collapsing limply to the floo, shoulders wracked by silent sobs before a shuddery breath only enough to say. ]
no subject
Still, he hoped. Maybe Ryuji meant something more. Maybe they'd reconnect after they both graduated and they matured and he'd see Ren from a little different of an angle. ]
Oh.
[ It wasn't for nothing - fuck, loving someone and being in love with them were separate things, felt no more sharply than in this moment. It doesn't mean that their friendship was bullshit, that the times they spent making sure the other didn't fall behind and staying up late texting about dumb shit to distract each other from an upcoming test and having sleep overs where they exhume the wasted remains of their respective shitty childhoods and try to find the nuggets of gold - those were all real. They weren't for nothing.
Just.
Oh.
What do I do now? ]
Um. That's -[ Stop, stop crying you idiot, it's not only about you. But Ren is crumpling in fast, furiously scraping at his eyes like it's going to hide or wash away the growing tide of tears, no chance of stemming an open stream once it's started. ] - that is, I'm glad you - you're figuring yourself out, and -
[ No chance. No chance no chance nochancenochance - ]
Y-you were okay w-with... telling me after I... m-made a fool of myself an-and put you on the s-spot.
Mmm. I'm. Happy for you. I r-really ammm.
[ It's not about you. It was never about you. Why, whywhywhy-
Ren's shrunk down into a shadow of himself, face buried back into his knees like it's the only thing holding him up from collapsing limply to the floo, shoulders wracked by silent sobs before a shuddery breath only enough to say. ]
M' sorry.