reverielogs | spoilers: this is gonna end terribly

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spoilers: this is gonna end terribly

» WHO? Raleigh and Yancy (sort of) and OTA for main log, closed starters in comments
» WHEN? 9am on the 20th - 9am on the 21st (this lasts EXACTLY 24 hours only though you can tag in whenever)
» WHERE? deck 2 corridors, mess hall, gym, Raleigh's quarters
» WHAT? Raleigh got an action. For a limited time only, a big brother!!! But there are a few catches...
» WARNINGS? massive pacrim spoilers, potential for violence/injury, discussions of death via giant alien monster and severe ptsd, will update if more arises!

[ As much as he doesn't really want to admit it, Raleigh is settling into a bit of a routine. The room he shares with Mako is even starting to feel... like theirs. It's strange, considering Raleigh has lived in many places without ever settling at all, has rented apartments that might as well have just been hotel rooms for all he nested. But the station feels sort of. Not homey but maybe like Shatterdomes used to. They've got pictures on the walls and a sense of camaraderie with their fellow captives. Though he didn't expect it to be the case, Raleigh actually likes most people he's met here.

Mako headed off to poke at the command deck early that morning and Raleigh hit the gym as usual, planning to meet her for a late breakfast after. That's where he's going now, freshly showered and running his fingers through his damp hair as he gets off the elevator on the mess hall deck. It's starting to feel a little longer than he likes to keep it, but it's not like the station has a barber. He ponders maybe asking Mako to try and trim it for him, but is thrown from his thoughts as he turns a corner and spots a jumpsuited figure lying on the metal floor, unmoving, a communicator droning the usual arrival message beside them. Somebody new is about to wake up. Raleigh breaks into a little jog, boots clanging, thinking that maybe he can be helpful. Help ease the stranger into this bullshit. That extra sound is enough to cause the man -- yeah, it's a guy -- to stir, groaning and sitting up. His back is to Raleigh, who notes idly that they have the same color hair. Go figure. ]

Easy, buddy. Take it slow, you'll be okay. Everybody wakes up with one hell of a--

[ He makes it to the end of the hall, slowing to a stop as the newcomer turns to look up at him and abruptly freezing mid-sentence because.

No.

This is impossible.

It's completely fucking impossible so clearly it's just the station fucking with him again, like people's visions and the voices in the walls. But Raleigh can't tear his eyes away, just stares in shock at his big brother, sitting there looking as solid and real as anything he's ever seen. Looking alive, somehow. ]

...Yancy?

Raleigh. [ The ghost's mouth quirks, and Yancy carefully picks himself up off the floor and glances around, moving stiffly but not like he's favoring any injuries. If he were a hallucination, wouldn't he be ripped to shreds? Not in a station jumpsuit looking like maybe he just had a few too many last night and is pissed Raleigh woke him up to enjoy the hangover. But he can't be real. He's dead, he's-- ] What kind of afterlife is this supposed to be?

[ Raleigh's mouth opens but nothing comes out so he just shuts it again, at a complete loss. It has to be a trick, but he finds himself playing along. ]

You remember?

Knifehead, yeah. Got us good, huh?

[ Slowly, he shakes his head. ] No, just... just you. Yancy, how--?

[ Something dark flickers through Yancy's eyes at that news, as it settles. Conflicts. And oddly, seems to resolve. He doesn't ask how he's here now, standing tall and holding a conversation, or where they are, or how Raleigh survived. He just lifts an arm, the same one Raleigh remembers him reaching out as he was torn away. Raleigh, listen to me, you-- and then the terror, the pain, and that terrible void. ] C'mere, kid.

[ Really, he should object. He's older now than Yancy was when he died, technically he's the big brother. Does it work that way? Who the fuck knows but he'd claim the technicality if he were processing this well enough to be casual about it. Instead all he can process is that Yancy is reaching for him and Raleigh just goes, nearly falling forward into his brother's arms and holding on tight. And it sure as fuck feels real. It must be. Somehow, Yancy is here. Tears prick Raleigh's eyes and he squeezes them shut. There's a lot of ground to cover, a lot of questions neither of them are going to be able to answer but some he can. They'll get there, though. Right now... ]

There's somebody you've gotta meet.

[ Anyone is welcome to have witnessed the tail end of this encounter, to hear Raleigh speaking brokenly to the silence of the corridor. No one else can see or hear Yancy, as they're about to find out. The brothers break apart and Yancy does ask something, then, but the simplest of the possible questions. Where are they? Raleigh huffs, then starts walking again, back down the hall towards the mess. The conversation is one sided to anyone around, Raleigh explaining things about the station like he's being prompted but there's nobody there. Who's he smiling at, looking so hesitantly joyful? Has he just snapped? You know what, just go over and ask him. ]

--

(( OOC: Okay so to keep things consistent regarding other characters' perceptions, I likely won't actually be RPing Yancy/describing exactly what Raleigh is seeing and hearing outside of what he tells people he is! You can wildcard catching a different one-sided convo (they're going to start arguing soon enough) or hit me up at

cuddlebug to plot a closed starter, I may add something like a semi-OTA gym scene where they're sparring and Raleigh is inexplicably taking damage. ))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ It's late, nearly 3am, not that there's any sense of time on the station. After an awkward discussion with Raleigh playing translator between Yancy and Mako, the three of them had decided to just cram into the one double room, with Yancy in the floor spot where they used to swap places. In theory, anyway. Mako had finally nodded off a short time ago, but Raleigh and Yancy were still up, sitting at the little table speaking as softly as possible so as not to wake her. Well, Raleigh is anyway. It's not like it would matter to Mako's rest if Yancy was screaming his head off, but he's not the type to be obnoxious on purpose either.

Usually, anyway. Raleigh can't say he's thrilled when Yancy takes this opportunity to bring up the fact he and Mako are sharing the bed when Raleigh had told him earlier no, they're not like that, don't go there. ]

It's just practical. The floor's cold and painful, you'll find out soon.

You sure that's all it is? If you're just co-pilots... well.

What?

How long have you known each other, anyway? You seem really comfortable. And after how you told me you didn't want to go back, that five year mourning you supposedly did...

...the hell is that supposed to mean? It's like you don't believe me that I was wrecked after you died. Just because I got back in a Jaeger doesn't mean I'm not still a wreck.

It's good you did, though. You saved the world together, right?

Yeah. We did. I'm not... I'm not the same kid brother you had to shepherd. I fucked up, I learned from it, and I was not going to get her killed too.

Well, at least you learned something from my being ripped to shreds by a Kaiju. Good. I'm glad I could pave the way for you to be the hero next time around.

Yancy, what the--

[ And now Raleigh is raising his voice almost back to normal levels, and glances at Mako to make sure they haven't woken her. He didn't feel anything, but and she looks like she's still asleep, so he stands up and motions for Yancy to follow him into their bathroom. The door slides shut and the conversation continues, hushed but growing in intensity.

If their voices haven't woken her yet, the wave of distressed emotion might. Hurt and frustration and years of guilt being dredged up, because even if Mako had managed to buffet Raleigh's own belief that his brother hadn't blamed him in the moment. Well. Here was Yancy right in front of him, seeming to blame him now. Maybe just resenting that he continued to live, and that wasn't unrealistic. Of course his brother wants him to be happy, too, but in his perception he's just died. Of course it'd be complicated.

Should Mako go to the door to listen, it's hard to make Raleigh's voice out. Because now the conversation is actively about her. About how Raleigh's priority, even while saving the world, was saving her. Not making a mistake that would lose him a co-pilot again, but Yancy pushes. Is it really thanks to him? Or is Mako just special? It sounds almost like he'd be less offended if his little brother did admit to feeling something more for her, but Raleigh isn't there yet. No matter how many people call him on it. ]

It's not like that.

It could be. We're not all just seeing things.

...you go through shit like that together, you bond, and the Drift makes everything more. We were inseparable, too, remember? Doesn't mean that I should act on anything else, even if she's hot.

So you're saying, after all this time, you don't actually know what you're feeling? Come on, little brother. Don't bullshit me. You're hiding something, or you wouldn't be switching to Japanese with her around me.

No, I. [ Raleigh's sigh is muffled through the door. ] She's private, I'm not hiding anything from you. It's not bullshit.

Then admit it.

[ There's a long pause, while Raleigh makes an actual attempt to sort through it. Because he really hasn't, has just been pushing it aside as inappropriate, as their friends here being romantics without understanding the situation. Mako's looked at him, sure, but she hasn't... it's not... he groans a little, dragging a hand down his face. He really can't deny to his brother that he feels more for her than he's been admitting to anyone. To himself, and the realization sinks in uncomfortably. There's a bit of dread, because if he acknowledges this then it's real, and he's got to deal with it somehow. And he's pretty sure it's mostly on his end. But maybe spitting it out will end both arguments at once. ]

I do, okay? I love her, it's just not that simple. Are you happy now?

Edited 2018-07-07 14:30 (UTC)

[Mako has been trying to take this all in stride. She's just glad Raleigh hasn't found another room to stay in. After being so close since arriving on the station, she's not sure how she would have handled that sudden separation. All they have to do, she tells herself, is ride it out, and everything will sort itself out.

She wakes up in the middle of the night to find that Raleigh isn't in bed with her. In fact, it looks like he hasn't come to bed at all yet. After a few seconds of silence, she realizes what's woken her—Raleigh is in the bathroom, talking to Yancy, she assumes. He's trying to be quiet, she thinks, but his voice is tense and carrying. For a moment, she considers leaving it, but she's sick of seeing Raleigh miserable, and she knows those awful emotions she's feeling right now aren't hers.

She's halfway out of bed, a blanket still wrapped around her, when she hears him calling her "hot" and she hesitates, frowning. It's nice to hear, sure, but it doesn't mean anything, not after she just heard him say it's not like that about fifteen times in varying ways. She doesn't want to hear this, though. It's just reinforcing what she already knows, something she doesn't need reinforced over and over, so she swallows and forces herself up. She's almost to the bathroom door when she hears the last comment and she freezes, heart skipping a beat. For a long moment, she's not sure what she's feeling. Relief and uncertainty and a sudden strong rush of affection all mingled with guilt, because she's not supposed to be hearing this, and she knows it. She's giddy with it, even as a part of her insists she must have heard wrong.]

[ The rush of emotions hits Raleigh like a wave as soon as the words are out of his mouth, but it's... definitely not his. Relief, affection, joy, it's so incongruous to the argument he's having right now that he recognizes it instantly as Mako's, which means...

She heard him. She's outside listening, and probably getting blasted with his panic at that realization. Because what the fuck is he supposed to do right now? With this. He was not planning to tell her any of this, probably should have left the room entirely but this isn't exactly a conversation he wanted to have in public either, and is honestly really confused by the response. Is she just happy because... it's a nice thing? Or. That doesn't seem possible, have they really been this clueless for months now...? Was Frank right? Raleigh is... almost too scared to find out but he can't hide in the bathroom forever.

Mercifully, Yancy (who was looking rather pleased with himself at getting the confession) has noticed his expression and put two and two together, and is now standing there quietly waiting for his little brother to make a decision. Not gloating or rushing him, just... glancing between Raleigh and the door like 'come on, bro.'

Fuck. Okay. It'll be okay. Whatever happens, even if she just turns him down and asks for space or something, he can deal with that, right? He's not going to lose her, even if he handles disappointment about as well as a wet paper towel could catch a brick.

With a slightly shaking hand, he hits the button to open the bathroom door and it slides out of the way between them. He looks like a jumpsuited deer in headlights, to be quite honest. ]

Edited 2018-07-08 00:50 (UTC)

[The door opens and Mako panics a bit. It's obvious from the expression on his face that he's felt what she's feeling, and she has no idea what to say. She wraps her arms around herself, hoping he can't see how red her face is in the low light.]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to eavesdrop.

[ ...well that's about the worst thing you want as a response when you accidentally confess to someone you're in love with them. Closed off body language and an "I'm sorry." Raleigh's expression falls and the panic starts slipping into disappointment, which... it's fucking embarrassing to know she'll feel, too. He glances away so at least she can't see it in his eyes. ]

It's okay, we-- I was trying to be quiet. Should've stepped out. I didn't mean to wake you.

[She feels it, alright, and she immediately knows she's screwed up. For once, she forces herself to work on instinct rather than overthinking this, and she steps forward to wrap her arms around him, settling her head against his chest.]

It's okay. Is Yancy here?

[ She's just letting him down easy, he thinks, but over the past two months it's become the most natural thing in his life to reach for Mako. For strength, sanity, comfort. So his arms come up around her as easily as breathing, and he'll take the hug for what it is. ]

Yeah..?

[It's a little odd to navigate this when she's so certain Yancy is a hallucination, but it doesn't really matter. She wants them to have the illusion of privacy, at least. She takes a breath.]

Could you tell him to give us a minute, please?

[ Okay, that. That's fair. Raleigh doesn't bother saying again that she can tell him herself, he can hear her, just glances up at his brother who gives a little nod and slips past them out the door. He can't see it from the bathroom, but hears the outer door to their quarters slide open and shut as well, then faint mag-bootsteps after that indicating Yancy really did leave. For Mako's benefit, he speaks up again. ]

He's taking a walk.

Okay.

[She closes her eyes for a second, trying to gather her thoughts and nail down what she wants to say. Her heart is beating a mile a minute, and she doesn't want to screw this up. But maybe that's ridiculous. This is Raleigh. Whatever else they are, he still feels like her other half.]

...Did you mean it?

[ Raleigh really doesn't want to be having this conversation, or at least wants it done. Rip off the band-aid, Mako, please, so he can go find an airlock to jump out of. He supposes this part is important, but ugh. ]

Yeah. I did, but you don't have to spare my feelings or anything, it's okay. And I don't want you to think that any of this has been some kind of play, I never... we're not...

[ Please someone save him from this hell. ]

No, no, that's not... I never thought...

[Mako pulls back just enough to look up at him, her arms still wrapped around his middle. This is going south, and she needs to just say it, even if it doesn't come out perfectly. She takes in a deep breath, her grip on him tightening.]

I love you, too. I didn't think you felt the same.

[ Raleigh is drawn tense as he waits for it, as Mako fumbles to find the right words, but he doesn't expect what she comes up with. Not one bit. And when she holds on tight and spits that out... he just gapes at her for a moment, blinking in shock. ]

Wait, you-- seriously?

[ Fuck, they have been complete idiots. Well, at least it's definitely something that's developed more here, even if quickly. He couldn't have said as much back when they first showed up, so Frank can't gloat that much. The full meaning of it sinks in slowly and he can feel his shoulders uncoil a little as he shifts his grip on her, one hand drifting up to touch her cheek. His smile is small and hesitant, but hopeful. ]

Now what?

[That was... surprisingly easier than she expected, and when he smiles, she can't help but grin back. She's so relieved that it's overwhelming. Mako leans into his touch, savoring the idea that she can even do that without worrying if she's overstepping. His question catches her off guard, though, and she laughs softly.]

I don't know. I didn't think this would happen.

Me neither, Mako. Shit.

[ Well he knows what he wants to do, and it's occurring to him now that they were probably so clueless exactly because they were on the same page all this time. Mistaking each other's emotions as their own and thinking it was all one-sided. So doing what he wants is probably a safe bet. Hopefully?

He goes about it slowly just in case she gets shy on him. Dips his head just a little first, to press their foreheads together. Then leans in so their noses brush, and finally gently tilts her face up towards his. The kiss is soft and careful and chaste, Raleigh actively holding back about a month's worth of pent up lust because he doesn't want to ruin the moment. He's a goddamn gentleman, okay? ]

[She doesn't get shy on him. Not exactly, anyway, even if her breathing catches and her heart rate ratchets up when he leans in. Mako doesn't pull back, though, just curls her fingers into the fabric of his shirt, savoring the closeness. She likes that he takes his time—it feels sweeter, somehow, a bit more earned, and by the time he kisses her all the tension and nervousness has drained out of her. It isn't like she's particularly experienced with any of this. A lifetime focusing on becoming a pilot and nothing else doesn't leave much time for romance, and she can count the number of people she's kissed on one hand, but with Raleigh, it feels natural and easy. It feels right. For once, she doesn't even think when she parts her lips against his, deepening the kiss.]

[ Sweet is what he was aiming for -- he doesn't want to get ahead of anything, she's too important to him to mess this up. Since despite the fear, the certainty he at least had felt that it would be a mistake to make a move, neither of them are hitting the breaks now. On the contrary, her response is very encouraging.

Well before his self-imposed isolation, Raleigh had feared getting in too deep, because of the eventual let down when things don't work with someone. Better to keep partners at arm's reach to start with. But he's never felt that way with Mako. Like he needed to protect himself from anything about her, even when she was being critical. So if they're doing this, if he's admitting how he actually feels, he might as well be all-in. He tilts his head a little and opens his mouth just slightly too, tongue slipping out to tease at her bottom lip. It's still not quite heated but it's eager, and his hand moves back to comb through her hair and cradle her head. ]

[It's perfect. She's so happy that it's overwhelming, and suddenly nothing else seems to matter. It's so easy to lose herself in the simple joy of being with him, of knowing that she doesn't have to hold anything back, and his obvious eagerness just cements that. She surprises herself with the quiet, happy noise that slips out, by the way her grip on his shirt tightens, but for the first time in a long time, she doesn't feel self-conscious about any of it.]

[ They're probably sort of falling into a feedback loop of happiness, but it's close enough again that Raleigh can't really tell. He just hums softly in response to that tiny happy sound, chest rumbling against her as they keep kissing. He forgets, at least for now, that they're on a weird future space station in probably another universe entirely, that things are rough with his seemingly invisible dead brother... all that matters in this moment is Mako. When he does finally pull back he's a little breathless, and there's a playful sort of warning tone in his voice. ]

Careful. I could get used to this.

[Mako can't help but laugh. She feels almost giddy, and she stands up on her tiptoes to bump her nose against his.]

Isn't that a good thing?

Hmm... guess it is, yeah. If you don't mind it.

[ Honestly, he'd just keep kissing her for awhile if he 1) wasn't worried about Yancy coming back 2) was more confident about his self control right now. As it is they could be interrupted at any moment and he's worried about moving too fast while they're high on this dizzying rush of emotion. Instead he forces himself to just breathe, to nuzzle his nose against Mako's and run his fingers through her hair. He's never really done that before. It's cool and thick and sleek and he wonders how much longer the blue is going to last.

Then it seems to click that they're still just standing in the bathroom, which is an odd place to be cuddling. They have a more comfortable option, anyway. And even with the blanket still around her shoulders she's got her boots off, her feet must be cold. ]

Come on. Let's go lie down.

Okay.

[It's hard to pull away, but she manages it, though she immediately reaches for his hand. Now that this wall has been broken down, it's hard to have any sort of distance. She sits, offering him half of the blanket as she does.]

[ She can have his hand -- she can always have his hand. And when she offers the blanket he takes a moment to get rid of his boots and settles down beside her, wrapping it around himself as well and cuddling close. He finds himself wondering again, "what now?" but doesn't say it this time, just bumps his head back against hers and soaks in her warmth. ]

Hey Mako?

[Mako is perfectly content to snuggle close, tucking her cold feet underneath her and lacing their fingers together. She's not really sure what comes next, either. She's so happy to have gotten this far that she hasn't even considered it.]

Yes?

[ Raleigh draws their hands up to his face, kissing the back of hers. ]

I love you.

[ Because he didn't actually say it to her, not like that. He wasn't looking her in the eyes, didn't even know she was listening... it's different. His tone is different, when he's not just spitting it out like a dirty secret he was keeping out of fear. And that fear is gone now, though he's sure it'll probably kick him in the chest again at some point once the buzz wears off. ]

I feel like I should give you a heads up that I've never really gotten to this part before. You're gonna have to help me figure it out.

spoilers: this is gonna end terribly

for Mako;

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