[Maybe he'll come to a day when he isn't a complete asshole with how selfish he actually can be, maybe this entire experience is a lesson in who these people are when they're stripped of every bit of rational thought that could keep their social quips at bay. Whereas stripping a mask from your face felt like freedom, this rawness has all the marked reticence of a fatigued pain. He doesn't want this for Ren, for Haru, for Makoto, Hinata... Dave- and everyone on this station. Instead of looking internally to figure out why he was the way he was, he blames the external factor on their shared miseries.
But this is also Ren? It's the only person that he's ever really truly trusted every part of himself to, knowing that Ren has seen his literal triumphs and his critical failures. It's not like their lives are cellphones, when you can just download an app when you get tired of one facet of the device, they're bros through and through, and it bothers Ryuji to know that the distance was something that was needed. He doesn't know how to put it into words; that being avoided like this was a darkness that wanted to take over his heart and he's never known how to deal with that shit alone.
And crying in public? Whatever. People can think whatever the hell they want about him as long as the people who actually matter know who he is. Even if this is a new chance at a new life, he still doesn't care about his reputation as much as he cares about his friends- and certainly, as he looks over at Ren's utterly fatigued visage, he feels a pang of guilt for all the things that he couldn't control rise up inside him with a responsible weight. He should've been stronger, better, whatever.
The game starts up, but Ryuji can't keep his concentration on it. He's always thought of himself as Ren's 2P, but sitting here, like this, it just doesn't feel like any of this exchange is really right, and for someone that so deeply relies on the feeling of something happening rather than its implications, he's weary. Like a fisherman who knows that a storm is coming and decides to go out into the sea anyway the morning after, tidal pulls be damned or not. A Hemingway figure in his own regard, Ryuji's lack of understanding toward emotional states unless directly referred to rears its ugly head and--- oh.]
Lean on me, then. 'Cause this way, the way I see it... if we go down, at least it'll be together.
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But this is also Ren? It's the only person that he's ever really truly trusted every part of himself to, knowing that Ren has seen his literal triumphs and his critical failures. It's not like their lives are cellphones, when you can just download an app when you get tired of one facet of the device, they're bros through and through, and it bothers Ryuji to know that the distance was something that was needed. He doesn't know how to put it into words; that being avoided like this was a darkness that wanted to take over his heart and he's never known how to deal with that shit alone.
And crying in public? Whatever. People can think whatever the hell they want about him as long as the people who actually matter know who he is. Even if this is a new chance at a new life, he still doesn't care about his reputation as much as he cares about his friends- and certainly, as he looks over at Ren's utterly fatigued visage, he feels a pang of guilt for all the things that he couldn't control rise up inside him with a responsible weight. He should've been stronger, better, whatever.
The game starts up, but Ryuji can't keep his concentration on it. He's always thought of himself as Ren's 2P, but sitting here, like this, it just doesn't feel like any of this exchange is really right, and for someone that so deeply relies on the feeling of something happening rather than its implications, he's weary. Like a fisherman who knows that a storm is coming and decides to go out into the sea anyway the morning after, tidal pulls be damned or not. A Hemingway figure in his own regard, Ryuji's lack of understanding toward emotional states unless directly referred to rears its ugly head and--- oh.]
Lean on me, then. 'Cause this way, the way I see it... if we go down, at least it'll be together.