Adrian "Alucard" Ţepeş (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
reposing) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
reverielogs2018-07-08 12:13 am
reposing) wrote in reverielogs2018-07-08 12:13 am
Entry tags:
❧ every night, i dream you're still here; OPEN
» WHO? Alucard & OPEN
» WHEN? Post-event, 7/8 - 7/13
» WHERE? Various locations, primarily the clinic and Alucard's room.
» WHAT? It was too soon to say that the replicators were safe for Alucard. All too soon. After the events of the week, he becomes terribly sick, in need of fresh blood, and sees a ghost.
» WARNINGS? A lot of blood and vomiting.
❧ i. blood test | closed to CONNOR | 7/8
[So much guilt weighs on his heart now that his mind and body are clearer. The music has stopped, and all of the effects from both that and whatever chemicals were in both the replicators and water supply seems to have faded. Still, it does nothing to clear his conscience; he'd been cruel with his words, aggressive, and had simply taken whatever he wanted without thought.
If he could, he would shut himself away from the rest of the station to pay for his sins, but he can't do that forever. That, and he needs to reconcile to some degree.
In the first order of business, he's sent a message asking for Connor to meet him in his room. The interior is not unlike any of the other family rooms in terms of layout, but it is evident that Alucard has taken such immense time to scrub everything that he could to remove the grime. There is an arrangement of items on a desk: an odd looking thick cord, one bottle of seemingly ordinary water, and the other bottle of water seems to glow in some way. Next to the bed is a coffin, very traditionally vampiric.
When Connor enters, Alucard is bowing his head in greeting, quiet, not able to quite meet his gaze. In his hand, a container of blood to be tested.]
I appreciate you doing this.
[It's not an apology yet. Honestly, he wouldn't have been offended if Connor decided to not associate himself with Alucard ever again.]
❧ ii. repulsion | OPEN to ONE RESPONSE | 7/8
[It'd been maybe an hour at best since he'd ingested the blood that Connor had confirmed was in the clear. The conversation had left him still feeling unsettled, but it was about as far as he could go with it for right now. At the end of it, it doesn't matter how Alucard feels. He has to do right by him, and everyone else he's harmed.
At first when he feels the pain in his stomach, Alucard assumed it was due to how horrendous he felt emotionally. It would've been no surprise, but the aches become worse. He feels... nauseated.
Feeling sick is such a foreign sensation that he almost doesn't know what to do with himself. He can't regenerate from it, he can't ignore it, he can't control it. Alucard stumbles away from the clinic and into the hall, but doesn't go any further. He collapses to his knees, clutching his stomach.
A retching sound escapes him, and he proceeds to expel all of the blood he'd had. It practically pours from Alucard's mouth, leaving a distinct puddle to the floor. It doesn't stop with once, and he keeps going, the small pool of crimson increasing.
No-- why? It passed Connor's sensors. What happened?]
❧ iii. a mother's touch | OPEN | 7/10
[At last, whatever had been wrong inside of him has been purged. In the dead of night, or presumably the evening, Alucard is collapsed in the bed. The coffin felt confining, oddly, so he limply lays in his bed, his bat familiar curled up under his chin.
He sleeps, and oh how it comes so easily. Alucard hasn't felt this frail since his father nearly killed him in one single strike; his body feels light, like it's made of glass, but he can't do much else but rest.
What he could never expect is the press of lips on his forehead. It wakes him, immediately. Was he so asleep that someone managed to sneak in--?
Alucard's eyes open and he nearly chokes on the air.] No...
[Before him he sees his mother, tears rolling down her face. He forces himself to sit up, despite his familiar squeaking and clinging to him.]
Mother?
[He hears her speak.
He was right to hate humans. I did so much good for them and they killed me. Tell me, did he avenge me?
Suddenly, she looks furious, glaring down at him. Clear disappointment, maybe even blame.
Did you?
He can't speak in return, his golden eyes wide. Just like that, she fades away, like ash and dust.]
Mother-- Mother wait!
[With what little strength he has, he tears himself from bed. Charlotte, the bat familiar, clings to his hair and squeaks frantically. The door slides open and he looks out into the hallway, desperation in his eyes.
Nothing.
Alucard collapses to his knees. The day that his mother was burned at the stake was the same day that his father nearly killed him. Shortly after, he woke here, and has hardly given himself any time to think, to process what happened. He's thrown himself at one project after another. The closest moment he's had was briefly held with Rogue, but he hasn't truly mourned.
But he does blame himself. He couldn't save his mother, and she died screaming in flames and begging him to be better. He couldn't stop his father, because he just wasn't enough. Was he wrong? Is he wrong?
He has nothing left to hold him back.
Adrian Ţepeş weeps openly in the hallway, clutching at his scalp.]
❧ iv. visitation & regret | OPEN | 7/10 - 7/13
[Regardless of who you are, Alucard does not see fit to turn away guests. It isn't in him to refuse it, though he has a difficult time requesting help again when the replicators failed him so miserably. Though he'd been afraid to become sick because it would slow the healing of the grave wound on his chest, he didn't anticipate anything like this.
But he's hungry. He's desperate.
The door to Alucard's room is unlocked, should you wish to pay him a visit.]
❧ v. wildcard
[Make your own prompt, or let me know if I can make a custom starter for you!]
(♪)
» WHEN? Post-event, 7/8 - 7/13
» WHERE? Various locations, primarily the clinic and Alucard's room.
» WHAT? It was too soon to say that the replicators were safe for Alucard. All too soon. After the events of the week, he becomes terribly sick, in need of fresh blood, and sees a ghost.
» WARNINGS? A lot of blood and vomiting.
❧ i. blood test | closed to CONNOR | 7/8
[So much guilt weighs on his heart now that his mind and body are clearer. The music has stopped, and all of the effects from both that and whatever chemicals were in both the replicators and water supply seems to have faded. Still, it does nothing to clear his conscience; he'd been cruel with his words, aggressive, and had simply taken whatever he wanted without thought.
If he could, he would shut himself away from the rest of the station to pay for his sins, but he can't do that forever. That, and he needs to reconcile to some degree.
In the first order of business, he's sent a message asking for Connor to meet him in his room. The interior is not unlike any of the other family rooms in terms of layout, but it is evident that Alucard has taken such immense time to scrub everything that he could to remove the grime. There is an arrangement of items on a desk: an odd looking thick cord, one bottle of seemingly ordinary water, and the other bottle of water seems to glow in some way. Next to the bed is a coffin, very traditionally vampiric.
When Connor enters, Alucard is bowing his head in greeting, quiet, not able to quite meet his gaze. In his hand, a container of blood to be tested.]
I appreciate you doing this.
[It's not an apology yet. Honestly, he wouldn't have been offended if Connor decided to not associate himself with Alucard ever again.]
❧ ii. repulsion | OPEN to ONE RESPONSE | 7/8
[It'd been maybe an hour at best since he'd ingested the blood that Connor had confirmed was in the clear. The conversation had left him still feeling unsettled, but it was about as far as he could go with it for right now. At the end of it, it doesn't matter how Alucard feels. He has to do right by him, and everyone else he's harmed.
At first when he feels the pain in his stomach, Alucard assumed it was due to how horrendous he felt emotionally. It would've been no surprise, but the aches become worse. He feels... nauseated.
Feeling sick is such a foreign sensation that he almost doesn't know what to do with himself. He can't regenerate from it, he can't ignore it, he can't control it. Alucard stumbles away from the clinic and into the hall, but doesn't go any further. He collapses to his knees, clutching his stomach.
A retching sound escapes him, and he proceeds to expel all of the blood he'd had. It practically pours from Alucard's mouth, leaving a distinct puddle to the floor. It doesn't stop with once, and he keeps going, the small pool of crimson increasing.
No-- why? It passed Connor's sensors. What happened?]
❧ iii. a mother's touch | OPEN | 7/10
[At last, whatever had been wrong inside of him has been purged. In the dead of night, or presumably the evening, Alucard is collapsed in the bed. The coffin felt confining, oddly, so he limply lays in his bed, his bat familiar curled up under his chin.
He sleeps, and oh how it comes so easily. Alucard hasn't felt this frail since his father nearly killed him in one single strike; his body feels light, like it's made of glass, but he can't do much else but rest.
What he could never expect is the press of lips on his forehead. It wakes him, immediately. Was he so asleep that someone managed to sneak in--?
Alucard's eyes open and he nearly chokes on the air.] No...
[Before him he sees his mother, tears rolling down her face. He forces himself to sit up, despite his familiar squeaking and clinging to him.]
Mother?
[He hears her speak.
He was right to hate humans. I did so much good for them and they killed me. Tell me, did he avenge me?
Suddenly, she looks furious, glaring down at him. Clear disappointment, maybe even blame.
Did you?
He can't speak in return, his golden eyes wide. Just like that, she fades away, like ash and dust.]
Mother-- Mother wait!
[With what little strength he has, he tears himself from bed. Charlotte, the bat familiar, clings to his hair and squeaks frantically. The door slides open and he looks out into the hallway, desperation in his eyes.
Nothing.
Alucard collapses to his knees. The day that his mother was burned at the stake was the same day that his father nearly killed him. Shortly after, he woke here, and has hardly given himself any time to think, to process what happened. He's thrown himself at one project after another. The closest moment he's had was briefly held with Rogue, but he hasn't truly mourned.
But he does blame himself. He couldn't save his mother, and she died screaming in flames and begging him to be better. He couldn't stop his father, because he just wasn't enough. Was he wrong? Is he wrong?
He has nothing left to hold him back.
Adrian Ţepeş weeps openly in the hallway, clutching at his scalp.]
❧ iv. visitation & regret | OPEN | 7/10 - 7/13
[Regardless of who you are, Alucard does not see fit to turn away guests. It isn't in him to refuse it, though he has a difficult time requesting help again when the replicators failed him so miserably. Though he'd been afraid to become sick because it would slow the healing of the grave wound on his chest, he didn't anticipate anything like this.
But he's hungry. He's desperate.
The door to Alucard's room is unlocked, should you wish to pay him a visit.]
❧ v. wildcard
[Make your own prompt, or let me know if I can make a custom starter for you!]
(♪)
i
He offers Alucard the same smile he always. As he stepped inside, his gaze fell to the coffin, eyebrows rising in surprise.]
What...? [He blinked, gaze moving back up to Alucard, giving him a nod.] Of course.
[He stepped closer, noting how Alucard wouldn't meet his gaze, but Connor had no idea what to say about it. Instead, he reached out to dip two fingers into the blood and then raises them to his mouth to lick them, LED flickering as he processed it.] Human, no contaminants found, A-positive, temperature: 74 degrees Fahrenheit.
no subject
Hesitantly, he takes the container of blood back, and murmurs:] Thank you.
[A slow sip is taken, then he lets out a sigh. He knows why this must be so simple for Connor, but it still feels strange to carry on in such a way. It almost hurts.]
I owe you an apology. For what I did to you.
no subject
He opened his mouth to offer to let Alucard lick the blood off his fingers when he suddenly apologized. Connor was very obviously confused by it.]
You... don't. Why... Why are you apologizing? Do you... regret having sex? [Connor almost sounded a little hurt himself, but Alucard knew better. He was an android, the sentiment couldn't possibly be real.
He turned his hand over and held out his bloody fingers, the action full of uncertainty.]
no subject
I enjoyed it immensely. But... I am concerned that you consented only because you felt like you had to.
I am not your master or owner. I never want to be. And yet, I cannot shake the feeling that I took advantage of you.
no subject
Then...? [Ah. There it was.
Connor tilts his head slightly, thinking.]
I... [His LED briefly flickers yellow.] I'm unsure if you did or not. Sometimes I find it very difficult to discern between my programming and... a choice I've made. [The joke was on him, all of it was programming.] You did give me the option to leave. I wanted to stay. At least... I think, I did.
I don't feel taken advantage of. You really should not feel guilty on my behalf.
no subject
[It's a wicked torment. He'd become endeared to Connor, certainly; he is polite, subtle in his coyness, and expresses enough of a personality through his certainty of being a machine. But there were other little things that spurned that utter and terrible desire during that week.
He can't just forget what they did, how much he enjoyed, every second he had to watch and listen to Connor's reactions. How much of that is programmed into him, and how much was sincere?
Humans. Of course they would create servants. Servants in everything, including pleasure. His heart burns, angry with them and himself for losing such control.]
Do you feel nothing about it? What we did?
no subject
What could he even say? He wasn't sure. He didn't fully understand half the things that were happening in his head and that was before he'd arrived here. He didn't want to be defective and he didn't want to be deactivated and he knew he shouldn't even want anything.
A small little twitch accompanied the next flicker of yellow, but he blinked it away.
Alucard's next question, however, made his head shoot back up, looking almost like a deer in the headlights if that deer was also silently wishing you would stop asking difficult questions he couldn't answer.]
I should go. [He'd somehow managed to force the words out. The answer was yes, but it couldn't be yes. He wasn't a deviant. And he didn't want to lie to Alucard, not about this. The only option he had left was to leave. Maybe that made it obvious enough that he'd felt something... and he honestly wasn't sure which was worse, Alucard thinking he hadn't felt anything or Alucard knowing he had.]
no subject
Then that look he gives him. Wide-eyed, shocked, but why? Alucard's brows knit and his heart sinks. What is he expecting? What could he possibly expect?
Perhaps it's just better this way.
Alucard's gaze lowers, and he reluctantly releases Connor's wrist without taking the blood off of his fingers.]
I will not keep you.
no subject
Thank you. [The words are practically whispered.
He stands there for a moment too long, playing out the likely outcome of what might happen if he stepped forward, closed the distance between them and kissed the dhampir. He blinks the stray thought away and takes a step back before turning on his heels.
He left and closed the door to Alucard's room softly behind him, standing in the hallway staring at it for a minute, playing over everything in his mind and hating every single one of his reactions and responses.
No. This was how he was supposed to be.
Not wasting any more time creeping outside of Alucard's room, he promptly left, walking nowhere in particular.]