reverielogs | (closed) the tide always rises

(Neptune twitches like she's going to lunge forward, but seems to think better of it. All the same, she still comes to help, just slower, less frantically.)

You aren't. Come here.

(She doesn't think much of scooping Venus up into her arms. The devil is strong. The devil has guns. The devil gave her this strength to carry stupid, cute girls after they've donated too much blood to a vampire.)

Haha. Oh my god? [ and suddenly, she's up in neptune's arms. wow?? neptune's so dashing. she giggles, a bit airily. ] My hero.

[ and then, because what fucking good is it being a dashing lady of the lake if you don't get to smooch the princess, venus leans in and kisses neptune on the cheek. she blushes a bright red, and she's still giggling behind her hand, but it's a far cry from the complete shutdown last time. ]

Stop it, (she says automatically,) this isn't some sort of role play.

(But she's mollified by the kiss to her cheek and Venus' airy giggle in her ear. She's all floppy and loose like she can barely hold herself together. It reminds Neptune of watching her slough her skin off, and throw her arm away, watching her wings and eyes breaking free of their useless cocoon. She's beautiful and bright like this.

Neptune sits her down on her bed a little reluctantly.)

What happened, exactly. I haven't forgotten you gave me practically no time to react to this great idea of yours, Venus!

Life is a role play.

[ she gets set down onto the bed - surprisingly delicately, or so she'd say if she didn't know neptune well enough. but she doesn't exactly push herself off the other girl. contact is good! contact is nice. also, it's definitely helping her stay upright right now. ]

Okay. So, um- there's a guy, right? A vampire. Dhampir. [ she pauses. wait. hold up. ] I told you that much, right?

You are full of shit.

(She doesn't sound annoyed, though. She sounds a bit fond? Even as she takes a seat next to Venus, who is still wavering on the bed like she might tip over at any moment. It really is like she's drunk, except with less yelling, and less fun. She is way more vague for instance.)

Yes, god, you already told me all of this! Get to the point already!

Haha. I totally am?

[ she doesn't even take it as an insult. why would she? it's neptune saying it. ]

Okay! Okay, so like. Vampires get hungry, right? And he mentioned that he'd need to find a way to feed at some point, but wanted to see if there were any volunteers. So I was like, "hey, I can do it?" And then I totally did it.

[ she smiles, her gaze... a little distant. what you thinkin' about there, venus? that time a hot vampire dude went all anne rice on your ass? she reaches up, leaning her neck to the side to show neptune the scabbed over holes (and a bit of the dried blood smeared to the side). ]

It was, uh. Kind of a lot? Not in a bad way, I don't think.

At least you're self aware.

(As if that doesn't make it worse.

Anyway, Venus is kind of... babbling away, staring off into the distance and Neptune, not entirely sure what to do with her hands in that moment, lightly touches her fingers to Venus' back under the presence of helping to keep her upright. A sensible touch, that's all.

Her fingers scrunch against Venus' shirt when she shows her the marks left behind.)

Are we even old enough to give people blood?? What if he ended up draining too much out of you? I know that we're devils, but we aren't adults, Venus, there's only so much that we have to give. You couldn't have been the only volunteer. (Is she getting overly pedantic about this to try and smooth over the idea of some guy biting Venus– her Venus– on the neck? Maybe??????)

[ it doesn't stop her babbling any, but it does catch her attention. venus leans back into neptune's fingers, closing her eyes and giving a contented little sigh. and when the scritching stops, she reacts accordingly- leaning back a little more, trying to get her to start again. ]

I'm totally old enough? It's 17 anyway. You're old enough. [ ugh!! no back scratches means she can still focus!! she just sort of wants to go back to that feeling of melting again. ] And I guess I just sort of wanted to see what it was like? Haha.

[ but that's not all of it - all of the truth, at least. when it becomes clear neptune's paused in her ministrations, venus takes matters into her own hands - scooting a bit closer, leaning in against her arm and side as a whole. ]

He's like us. [ it's spoken softly, none of the vacuous laughter in her voice. ] An outcast. And we- we let the devil in, but he never got that choice. Isn't that sad?

I thought it was 18.

(She's being pedantic. She's arguing for the sake of it. Venus is talking about somebody draining the blood from her body with a soft, wistful look on her face. Neptune feels something wild and cold under her skin, like water lapping, rough at a shore.

And then Venus leans against her and for a moment the storm tempers, but Neptune still sits very still, uncertain and churning. Water pools on the floor at her feet. Perhaps Venus expects her to care about this, and on some level she does but she's not sure she can access that right now. She wants everybody to have the choice, of course. Of course she does. She wants to drag people down to their level, down to the devil where they can all be safe, but... not like this???

She's not sure what she feels.)

It's very sad, (she says calmly.) Why did he let you leave? You looked like you were about to fall over.

He had to! I asked to go back, and he walked me back. He was very. Gentlemanly? Gentlemanlike. He was nice about it.

[ neptune's not doing anything. she's sitting still, a stagnant and placid puddle in the room with her, and even if venus isn't firing on all cylinders she can feel that something's wrong. so one wing reaches forward and ahead of both of them, gently prying until she can see neptune's face more clearly. ]

Neptune... [ and there's no real way to say what she wants to ask right now, what's wrong just feels so trite and unhelpful, because she should know-

and suddenly, she knows. every eye on venus's body goes wide; she gently pushes herself off of neptune, and she makes herself look the other girl eye to eye. ]

Oh my god, are you jealous?

[ she doesn't look like she's trying to make fun of her. she looks confused if anything. ]

(She shoulders Venus' wing away from her face, pushing her hair back from her face in one blunt gesture. Venus feels like she's trying to peer through more than her hair! Her eyes are swiveling, looking, prying, and Neptune wants to duck her head to get away from them. She isn't used to being seen, not to this extent.)

No. God! I'm not, okay? (Hopefully she doesn't sound as defensive as she feels. She rolls her eyes, huffing as she averts her gaze.) It's just– I don't want to hear about it. It's weird, Venus. You don't even know him and you offered your blood?? That's weird, okay?

Don't you understand that?

(She's not entirely sure where she's going with this, only that it- naturally- feels good to disagree, to be disagreeable. That's not something that becoming the devil washed away.)

Yeah. Obviously?

[ oh my god. she's so jealous? she's so jealous of this guy, and it makes her feel sorry and kind of... wanted in equal bits. she nearly says something entirely uncouth, but neptune is- she's not in a teasing mood right now, probably. she's worried, and jealous, and upset.

so venus leans in, and kisses her very softly on the cheek - intimately, more close than she usually gets with her quick pecks and blushes and covering her many eyes - and she says: ]

Neptune. I'm safe. I'm here, okay? And I'm not going anywhere. It'd be like... like trying to stop the sun. Vampires aren't very good at that.

[ and then, because she's an incorrigible little shit and a bad girl and she can do what she wants, and what she wants is to see neptune blush- ]

But, um, if you want to be the one doing the biting next time, I'll totally save that for you?

[ -and now she's the one blushing, and covering her mouth with her hand. sorry not sorry? ]

Venus– (She's mollified by the kiss, even though she won't look back at her. Sometimes it's hard, to be seventeen and to feel this way about a girl, to feel this way at all. They are new to this and sometimes it feels to Neptune like all three of them are stumbling in the dark, hands outstretched, and she doesn't like that. Not even a little bit. She prefers to have control.

They'll get it, in time, of course. They'll learn to be comfortable with each other, but she can't help but selfishly want it now.)

Okay. (She echoes, and watches the water pool on the floor at her feet. And of course it's about Venus' well-being, but it's very much about letting somebody else close to her like that (as much as Neptune is remiss to admit it to herself), but just as she opens her mouth to insist that she knows Venus is safe–

oh my god.)

Oh, my god. (Neptune can feel her face heating up; she turns and slaps Venus' arm sharply, unsure of how else she's supposed to express herself in the wake of such a comment. Venus is covering her mouth with one hand like she said it by accident, like the words just slipped out. If she didn't know her so well, Neptune may have been inclined to believe it.) It's not– I don't want to bite you, what the fuck!

[ at first, venus doesn't say anything. there's no need to, right? she's doing everything she can to make her feelings known, and neptune is too, and even if it's so much more than either of them have any idea what to do with it's theirs. she just pulls away from neptune's cheek, and rests her forehead against it instead, and watches her from a dozen different angles.

and then neptune slaps her. ]

OW?? [ venus grabs her little pasty baby arm, which is ALREADY turning a bright red, with a look that can only be described as "betrayed kindergartener and puppy hybrid." ] I- It was a joke!! Oh my god?? You don't have to slap me!

[ okay, so she totally deserved it. but also, slappies hurt??? neptune?????? ]

Sorry?!

Okay!!

(And goddamnit if she actually feels sorry for it in the wake of the little sound Venus' makes, her sad little hurt face. Neptune's expression twists, and she hovers a hand awkwardly above her wrist for a second before she takes it, linking her fingers around and smoothing her thumb across the back of Venus' hand. This is stupid, she's supposed to– she's the flood that soothes all hurt, that washes over everything.

Using her free hand to tip Venus' face toward her, she presses a soft, chaste kiss to her mouth.)

I– ('m sorry. It won't quite come out. Neptune exhales, shoulders dropping and stares at her thumb on Venus' wrist.)

What is this, Venus. (Where are the boundaries? What is okay to feel?)

[ venus is finally managing to get things under control, to calm down a little, when neptune tips her head up and kisses her gently on the lips. and a lot of things happen at once. neptune's thumb is wet, tracing soothing little circles around the red skin. neptune's hand is on her neck, and it's making her shoulders and skin tingle in ways she's really not entirely used to. and neptune's lips are - soft. really soft, even pursed together for the quick peck like they are. it's a bunch of sensations at once that all come together and undeniably, inevitably remind her of neptune.

her arm's not hurting anymore. of course that's the part she notices first. ]

It's... a lot. [ she can't read neptune's thoughts - can't see the exact doubts running through her head. but she was just having this conversation, barely a few hours earlier. so she focuses on that, on jupiter's kind reassurances, and tries to bring them across to neptune. ] But I think it's whatever we want it to be? Like, we don't owe it to anyone. It's between you and me and Jupiter, and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

[ there's a lot she wants to say here - a lot she'll need to say at some point. but right now, there are butterflies in her stomach and her heart is racing without stopping and her tongue is getting all twisted up without saying anything of value. so this time, she's the one to kiss the other girl - to lean in and up just a bit, and to rest her lips on neptune's and her hand on her cheek, and to pull back only when she's bright red and smiling and glowing like a thousand ocean stars. ]

If- if you want to do that again. I don't mind. [ and her smile is shaky, and her hair is all mussed up, and for just a moment it's like she's back in the rickety cabin - hands at her back and lips on hers and no room for anything else but the three of them. ] I mean, that's... what girlfriends do. Haha. Right?

(Neptune's used to discounting what other people think. She's always tried to let herself rise above that kind of thing, to not care, but real world consequences don't care about any of that. At home she could posture as much as she wanted but at the end of the day she was only ever the weird, angry bitch to the vast majority of her peers. Cold and uncaring, utterly aloof.

They aren't at home, now. Even if they were she's changed so much, all three of them have. They're the devil. They don't have anybody to tell them they can't act certain ways. Neptune doesn't have to look over her shoulder before she kisses Venus, soft and gentle on her mouth. She doesn't have to swear anybody to secrecy. She doesn't have to deal with any fallout, because that fleeting trust will not be broken. Not this time.

This is different.

She nods mutely, resolutely.) Yeah.

(It might take a bit of getting used to, but at least they have each other. At least they can talk like this, alone but together, careful but honest. When Venus comes in close and up against her, Neptune's breath stutters in her throat. Being kissed by her feels like dissolving, like trickling down to liquid, like turning into a stream. She doesn't. She stays there, and Venus kisses her and the water wells up against Neptune's closed eyes and snakes down her cheeks in twin rivulets.

When Venus releases her, she blinks, and touches her fingertips lightly to the corners of her eyes. At least she doesn't have to explain this.)

You don't have to say you 'don't mind', you know, (she says, and her voice is soft, hesitant.) If you want, you can say it like that. It's okay to want. Girlfriends are allowed to want to kiss and be kissed.

Edited 2018-06-03 08:43 (UTC)

Haha. Yeah. I guess you're right, huh? Then...

[ for a moment, she's not sure she can say it. it's too much. it's a baring of her soul too precious for any human- but she's not human, is she? she's the devil, and so is neptune, and right now the only one with them is that sweet, siren song on the radio.

she leans in, kissing neptune of her own volition once. and then she backs away, giving the other girl room to breathe. she wants neptune to make this decision without any pressure, because it's her decision to make. ]

Then I- I want you to kiss me. [ it's hard to say, even to neptune - even to one of the two people she trusts most, in this world or any other. but as she speaks, her voice picks up; an intensity bleeds through. every last one of her eyes is watching them both, from her sides and above and all around. ] So bad? So bad, Neptune. It's... I want to kiss you. I want to kiss you, and be near you, and hold you so tight I can't breathe. I want to forget where my body starts and yours begins? I want-

[ her voice hitches, a sudden caesura in her steady build. blood flows through her cheeks, a solid red blush crossing her cheeks and neck, but she doesn't look away. she's not sure she could, anymore.

the hand on neptune's cheek shifts, fingers running softly across her skin. venus catches her breath, and whispers- ]

I want to forget that we were ever human.

(This is, without a doubt, the most romantic thing Neptune thinks she's ever heard.

Venus' fervor is wild, familiar, and the way her eyes watch and watch make her feel seen. Venus has always been able to do this. Venus sees past all the bullshit, through her dripping hair and the black ichor inside of her mouth and right to the core of her. Jupiter's hands card across her and remind her of herself, of how to feels to anchor in place and become immovable, tenable. Neptune flows through the spaces between and binds it all together, finds what is hiding and brings it boiling to the surface.

So it isn't perfect. She feels that Jupiter-less space between them very keenly, but it's good to have Venus here and staring at her, showing her that she knows, and that this matters, and that she wants and wants and wants. Neptune's breath hitches on a sigh. She wants too. She thinks that she always has.)

I want you to have everything that you want. I want to give you everything you want.

(She turns her head and kisses the palm of Venus' hand, then disentangles from her gently, flopping down onto her side on the bed. What she'd like the most right now is to curl herself around Venus and whisper into her hair, card her fingers through her wings. Something light, something soft. Like being a river.)

Come here?

[ those words are... so much. they're so much? venus feels her heart beat racing, and butterflies all throughout her stomach, and blood rushing through her cheeks and veins and emotions drowning out everything she can hear. ]

Yeah. [ it's breathed out, almost reverently, as she watches neptune lie down. it's no different than what they do every night. right? but jupiter's usually there, a black hole of pressure holding them all together, and- and things are different, now. they both understand what they are to the other. ] Yeah, of course.

[ she gently lies down herself, taking care to not put too much pressure on her wings - and just like that, she's on her side, watching neptune. she can see neptune's eyes through her hair, barely a foot away. she can feel the soft air of neptune's breath. it's overwhelming, but she can't bring herself to look away; she flushes a bright red.

she wants to kiss neptune. she wants to lean in and press her lips against hers and melt into the bed with her. but more than that, she wants neptune to kiss her. so she bites her lip, and tries to keep her thinking straight, and says with a small voice- ]

I'm here.

Edited 2018-06-07 23:51 (UTC)

(She watches Venus slowly lower down onto her side opposite her like a mirror image, her mouth scrunched a little at the side like she's trying not to laugh. Venus looks like she's about to have a heart attack: she's flushed in the face and watching Neptune carefully with every single one of her eyes.)

What are you thinking about?

(She reaches up to card a hand lightly through Venus' hair. It's so fluffy. Is she growing it out? Neptune takes her time brushing it gently back from her face, her thumb brushing against Venus' ear with every stroke. Maybe she's teasing, just a bit. Maybe she likes the affect she's having on Venus. She likes the thought that she might be overwhelming.

Can Venus still reply coherently if Neptune leans in and very gently presses a kiss to her cheekbone, then tucks herself into the crook of her neck? She's warm. She smells good, like... fresh laundry, like warm afternoons.)

Nothing. [ it's a dirty lie and they both know it. so she tries again. ] ...you. Just- you, I guess.

[ and that's the whole truth, even if it doesn't quite convey just how overwhelming all those thoughts are. she's thinking of neptune, that's true, but not as some singular, far-off concept. she's thinking of neptune's hair, long and flowing and smelling faintly of awful space station shampoo. she's thinking of neptune's smile, the tight little purse of her lips as she watches her. she's thinking of neptune's eyes, bold and challenging and looking into her. venus could look at her with a thousand eyes, reflected off every angle of the light, and it still wouldn't feel like neptune looking into her with the two on her face. neptune is a river, neptune is an ocean, and she's pouring herself into venus through her gaze and her voice and the hand on her cheek and the kiss on her cheekbone.

(she feels a gentle warmth across her shoulders, and in the crook of her neck, like the ocean itself is cradling her close.) ]

You're making it kind of hard to think of other things??

[ not that she minds one bit, right now. ]

(Neptune hums. It's a sound you might find if you took to the beach and pressed a shell to your ear. Her mouth is against Venus' collar, lips open around the bone. She isn't water any more, but in a way she can still find a way to crash against what she wants and claim it for herself. This is apparent in the way she drapes herself across Venus, warm and close, one hand anchoring at the back of her neck. The other at her hip, fingers tapping on her side.)

Good.

(She likes that. Venus is a soft breath across the top of the water. She ripples underneath her touch, and lifts her head to kiss her jaw, her chin, her lower lip. A tide, slowly rising, in and out, in and out.)

I like being all that you think of, (she admits. It's hard to be embarrassed when Venus is shy enough for the both of them, and bold enough to bolster Neptune's touch. She presses their lips together, acting on instinct, and twines their legs together like seaweed. It's been a long time since she's ever felt so right.)

Haha. That's embarrassing. [ but weirdly enough, the words seem to make her less bashful. their legs fit together, and neptune is up against her, and she lets out a little gasp as the tide rolls up towards her lips. ] Neptune-

[ and then neptune's lips are covering hers, and the warmth of the ocean breeze is carrying on through her senses. there is no pressure, no urgency, and venus finds herself wishing in some small way that jupiter was here to share this with them - but right now it's the two of them, and the two of them can make do just fine for now. venus lifts her hand, delicately raising it over neptune's arm and running fingers up her side, before letting it come to rest in the devil's hair.

maybe this isn't perfect. but it's the closest she's felt since that night in the cabin. and with so much less blood and skin, this has its own appeal too. ]

(Who cares if it's embarrassing! Ugh.

It is different, though. Different from before that is. Neptune's body is less volatile, more contained, and Venus touches her and she does not come apart at the seams. They do not blend together. It feels like a loss, but there are benefits to being physical, too. Venus' fingers tangled in her hair, anchor at the back of her neck and hold her close. Their legs shift against each other and the even through the shitty jumpsuit fabric the motion is comforting. Exciting.

Neptune closes her eyes. Venus' mouth is warm on hers, her touch is light. She wishes Jupiter were here to fill in the spaces between them, to fold her hands around them, cradle them close. Jupiter with her many touches, Venus with her many gazes. Neptune with her many feelings, her ebb and her swell.

Jupiter isn't here, but they can make do. They can hold each other close and wait for her to come back and Neptune can kiss and kiss Venus and put longing enough for two behind it. And it's okay? It's okay, for her to do that. It's okay to forget everything else for a moment and lie here with her girlfriend, and kiss her. It's something she's getting used to, a warm, comforting weight settling on her chest.)

[ each bit of friction sends her heart racing; each shift of neptune's head, each kiss that misses its mark or aims down for her jaw drags a tiny exhale from her lips. venus does her best to reciprocate, to send even a fraction of this intensity through the feedback loop and back to her girlfriend: she runs her hands gently through neptune's hair, and her fingers down neptune's neck and back, and she squeezes her legs gently together in a full body embrace.

they're not really whole like this - not without jupiter. but it's still so much more than she could ever hope to be on her own. ]

God.

[ it's whispered softly, almost reverently through ragged breaths. maybe it's the wrong person to be talking about right now? maybe it's blasphemous. haha. serves him right for putting her here.

she's the one who adventures a bit, this time - planting a kiss at the corner of neptune's lips, and then her cheek, and then up to the tip of her ear, where she leans in and whispers in her soft, soft voice- ]

We're the worst, aren't we? [ another tiny kiss. ] I never want to stop.

(closed) the tide always rises

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getting a lot of mileage out of our 4am icons, hmm

they're good icons brent

that entire scene is just. so fucking good. god