closed; one last lesson

[merging]

» WHO? Ezra Bridger and Kanan Jarrus
» WHEN? Directly after this
» WHERE? The gym!
» WHAT? Kanan and Ezra spar together to work through FEELINGS
» WARNINGS? mentions of death??? parental loss?? sad

[The way there had been quiet. Ezra feels mad at himself for not being able to say anything, and also for this being a thing in the first place. He doesn't want Kanan to worry about him, in fact he wants the opposite of that. He wants everything to be fine and normal and not possibly destroying the future they fought for. 

When they get to the gym, he removes his cloak because as cool as it might make him look, Ezra knows he's a bit clumsy for a Jedi. He leaves his saber on him because maybe they'll end up doing something with that.]

So, uh. We're just... doing this? We could also work on forms or you could throw stuff at me, like old times.

Comments

[merging]

But what if you knew you could save someone? And you didn't. Isn't that- [Bad, is what he wants to say.] Like what if you knew you could save your master? Or Hera, or-

You made the decision to save us. Or you will. And I know you won't regret it, but it was the right decision, wasn't it? Because we're Jedi. We save people. Right?

[kanyounot]

[ Kanan's heart goes out to his Padawan. It shouldn't be a choice Ezra has to make. He'll grieve for his loss, sure, but he shouldn't be conflicted about it. He shouldn't feel responsible for it. ]

Jedi try to protect the innocent. But we also serve a greater good. And sometimes, serving that greater good means sacrificing.

[ He sighs, and lets his heart ache for a moment, for the future he won't have. ]

I don't want to die. I want to be there when you and Sabine come into your own, to know the amazing adults you're becoming. I want to help Zeb help his people, and know how he heals. I want to grow old with Hera. But none of that would happen anyway if the Empire isn't stopped. If we allow the suffering they cause to go unchecked.

My point is, it's not easy, but you know the right thing to do. You'll make the right decisions, too.

[merging]

I thought I did. I... I chose not to save you. I could have. I know I could have. I could've saved my parents, Kanan. But I didn't.

I thought I made the right decision. I thought I was finding the place where I was needed most, like you did. And it feels weird to talk about myself like this, like I'm some big hero, but... I guess I sacrificed myself too. And I know now that Lothal will be free.

But then I end up here. I think, okay, just another weird Force thing with time travel and different dimensions, sure. I can handle that.

But then you showed up. And I don't... I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

[kanyounot]

Maybe you're not supposed to do anything?

[ Kanan shrugs, and gives Ezra's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. ]

Maybe my being here is just to let you know that you did the right thing, and I'm proud of you for it. Maybe that's it.

[merging]

But isn't that- it's too...

[Too easy. Too nice, even. He sighs.]

Something feels wrong. I'm happy to see you, Kanan. I really am. But I don't know how to describe it.

[kanyounot]

I didn't say I think that's the only reason why we're here.

[ He tilts his head for a moment, almost as if listening. ]

There's absolutely something wrong about this place, this situation. I'd say we're here to help fix it, somehow. Or I hope we are.

[merging]

Yeah... yeah.

[But it doesn't make him feel any better. Or any different, really.]

Thanks, Kanan. For everything. I might still- [He sighs again, which kinda sums it all up.] Yeah. This is weird. Maybe not as weird as the last time I saw you but? Still weird.