reverielogs | ( open ) i am desperate if nothing else

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( open ) i am desperate if nothing else

» WHO? bodhi rook + yourself!
» WHEN? after the gravity comes back
» WHERE? the bar
» WHAT? bodhi gets a reminder from home

» WARNINGS? spoilers from rogue one - possible canon typical subjects such as planetary destruction, death, as well as nightmares...

[ He's heard about people getting things from home, sure. It's been brought up over the network a few times, but it's still startling to Bodhi, when one morning he reaches into his cupboard to pull out the standard issue jumpsuit and his hand brushes over fabric that's different but familiar - and he freezes for a moment before pulling out the uniform. The grey flightsuit with it's scuffed symbol of the Galactic Empire - with it's tattered sleeves and places he'd chosen to mend the material rather than get rid of it...

"It's a reminder... of what I had to do to get here." is what he'd told Jyn. That hasn't changed. It still has that meaning, but it's also a reminder - he doesn't know what happened. On Scarif, to the others - but he's sure that he didn't make it.

With a sigh, Bodhi pulls the uniform on. ]

a ) the bar - an ungodly hour

[ Though, is it really? Time passes differently in space, there are not really cycles of day or night - only the aforementioned time on the device. So, yes. It is late. Closer to breakfast, than dinner. And he couldn't sleep, and when he did - he couldn't stay asleep. So here we are. Bodhi has never been much of a drinker, not really. On occasion, when he'd had the opportunity to stop at a decent cantina while planetside - but these trips got less and less frequent when he'd been transferred to make runs from Jedha to Eadu.

He's wearing his uniform -- his Imperial uniform, just having gone from one jumpsuit to another. But the goggles are not on presently, perhaps due to the large gash that ran from the bridge of his nose, and diagonally above his left eye, almost up to his hairline. A result of debris nearly smashing his helmet when he'd been on his space walk. Instead, he has them in his hands, fidgeting with the straps, a half drunk glass of something that is definitely not Corellian brandy in front of him, and a faraway look in his eyes. But if you sit by him, he'll look up after a moment or two. ]

Hey. Evening. I mean... morning.

b) elsewhere

[ Later, Bodhi can be found wandering the halls of different decks - he's still exploring the ship, looking for the others he was with before. Even if every day he doesn't find them, he's a little less hopeful that they're here. In the mess hall, he normally sits on his own, with a cup of coffee, picking at his food.

It's rare he goes by the exercise room, warnings of muscle loss aside - he just doesn't... enjoy that kind of physical activity. Still, he tries - taking out frustration on a punching bag with forceful hits that lack any kind of skill or precision. He seems winded after barely five minutes. ]

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I wouldn't mind doing it, if there were. I could use something to do.

[ Everything here felt so aimless. Not knowing why they were here, how they got here - what would happen next. One could only wander the corridors or sit at the bar so much. Maybe it was because he was so used to having to work, constantly.

While he's not wrong about him not being entirely there, Bodhi is well aware that what he's saying is true. ]

No, it wasn't. You know how none of us arrived in what we were wearing before? This was what I had on, and I hadn't seen it since then.. Wasn't in there yesterday or the day before.

I'd heard people getting things from home, but... I don't know. Not sure how it appeared in the cupboard without my notice.

You know, you're the second person I've run into on this station that's said they'd be okay with cleaning other people's shit up. You people really need to work on your goals and ambitions.

[ kovacs was bored and occasionally, he was really bored but he wasn't about to start picking shit up just to give himself to do. no, he'd just sleep and drink until things started getting interesting again. ]

I had not heard about shit from home arriving.

[ that's...a thing. it's not that kovacs wants something specific from home but the fact that something that wasn't here one day can be here the next is telling. what it means, kovacs doesn't know, but it's something to muse on. ]

It's really fucking nice that items can come and go but we're fucking stuck here. I'd prefer that I get taken back to my home instead of one of my fucking shirts showing up here.

[ He's used to being of low rank. ]

I'd work my way up. Figure I could start with smaller things, take on larger tasks as I go. Who knows, maybe I can earn enough trust to wind up in charge.

[ And he seems totally serious, too... except, he's not serious. Well, he is. Just not about being in charge. ]

I've heard about it, once or twice over the network. Didn't really believe it until I saw it for myself.

And I agree with you. [ does he, though? Bodhi is fairly sure he doesn't have anything to go back to, he's sure he won't find out the fate of the mission or his team, not staring down an explosion that he was only seconds away from. Or had it already taken him? For a moment, he's silent, lost in thought. But the moment passes, quickly, and he's back to talking, gesturing as he speaks. ]

I -- I think we'll find a way off. We just need to keep looking. If someone is responsible for bringing us here, we just need to find them and get them to send us back.

[ Probably easier said than done, but given how many of them there are here... ]

Wind up --

[ kovacs waits for the guy to laugh like he's joking but he doesn't and all kovacs can do is roll his eyes and shake his head. that ain't never gonna fucking happen, not in this place. he sure as shit wasn't going to recognize anyone who decided to be in charge. ]

Okay, you reach for the stars. Maybe you'll avoid one falling on you and crushing you to the death.

[ not likely. this station was a fucking death trap. ]

Yeah, yeah, that's all well and good and optimistic but where the fuck would these people be hiding? If they were in the station, wouldn't we know? Hear something? Feel something?

Don't know about you but unless these people are being that fucking quiet. I don't think there's anyone here but us.

[ more likely kovacs thinks there's people down on that planet there and they are making no fucking effort to come and help them. ]

[ At his reaction, Bodhi shakes his head, a slight grin on his face. ] If I'm lucky, but I'm normally not. [ He pulls a face and takes another drink. ] To be honest, I don't actually want to be in charge. Like everyone else, I think I just want to know what's going on here.

[ And... he's got a point. He does, but. ]

Maybe. Still, someone was on this ship before. All this stuff around us, things that were left here. There's no sign of what happened to them, so they must've managed to get off. If there's nobody here to show us, we need to find it.

[ There's a hairbrush in his room that he hasn't touched, doesn't belong to him. The drinks in the bar where there, people had brought them. ]

Get off?

[ kovacs was going with a much darker, bloodier end. after that ominous message he'd woken up to when he'd gotten here, he can't see any other end but some kind of death for the fuckers that were here before them. ]

That's optimistic. I'm pretty sure they died.

[ he would admit that there was no evidence of death, no smell of rot but there were parts of this place that were locked off. maybe this station sealed itself off to protect them.

or maybe they'd just gotten lucky and all the bad shit was elsewhere. ]

Where do you think they'd go if they got off? Down to that planet to fucking ignore us?

[ That's... a dark way of looking at it. It's certainly a possibility, sure. ]

That's pessimistic. [ Bodhi shakes his head, drums his fingers against the side of his glass. ]

But it's just... a ship of this side would require a very large crew. These rooms had people in them before us, you know? If they were all dead, where's the sign of struggle, and why are there no bodies to be found?

[ Another pause. ]

Maybe. They left it for some reason. I think it had something to do with that message we heard, when we woke up here.

Pessimistic my middle name.

[ it fit well with lev, didn't it? ]

If they all left, where's the signs that they were here before us? You find any shit that got left behind? Anyone's moldy food sitting around? A sock that didn't make it in a bag?

[ point was, nothing about this fucking place made sense. n o t h i n g.]

If there's people on that planet, they sure as shit don't care what's up here.

Speaking of names, I'm Bodhi.

[ He could be pessimistic about a lot of things, himself. But meeting Jyn Erso and the rest of Rogue One -- Rebellions are built on Hope... he was trying.

But you know, sitting here in the bar, feeling like he'd somehow failed them, doubting why they're here or the fate of the people who'd been here before. A lifetime of doubt isn't so easily absolved. Guess he's not doing a great job in that regard. ]

I did. There was a brush in the room I picked out. It was just sitting there, bit of hair still left in the bristles and everything. People have found other things -- look at this stuff around us, it didn't get here on it's own.

[ He sighs. Yeah... okay, he'll give him that. ]

You're probably right, though.

Kovacs.

[ maybe one day he'll slip up and tell someone his first name. and maybe one day he'll wake up and his sister will be right there, ready to take him back to harlan's world.

and maybe other fucking impossible things would happen. he's not getting his hopes up. ]

The only thing that was there when I woke up was me and the stench of space.

[ he thought he'd died and gone back to ctac. not fun. ]

Kovacs. Hey.

[ Space had been the last of Bodhi's worries - in fact, seeing it had been probably as much of a surprise to him, as any. Given where he'd been, before.

(The stars were a comfort, and he'd always wanted to fly. Now he has little to do but look at them, it's just that they're unreachable here). ]

Have you ever been, before? Up here, in space? I know not everyone has.

Yeah.

[ it had been awhile since his ctac days but he still remembered the rumble of the ship, the way it rocked back and forth during turbulence and catching glimpses of passing stars while they waited missions orders. ]

Not something I wanted to repeat.

[ this wasn't ctac but he still could see jaeger's fucking face every time he looked at the stars. ]

Nothing too special up here.

No? [ Bodhi shrugs, and it's clear that he disagrees from the look on his face. ] I've always thought the stars were something wonderful - wanted to be a pilot, you know? Now it's just -- they're there, but we're stuck looking at that same stretch of them, with that planet just out of reach.

[ He shakes his head, finishes his drink. ]

[ now that tone of hopelessness and 'giving the fuck up', that was one he knew well. he'd felt like that after quell's death and he'd felt like that a few times getting dumped on this station.

it was hard not to just get fucking sick of looking at the same stars every single day and know that you might die looking at them. ]

We're being fucked with.

[ he's been going with apollo's theory as the right one for awhile now because it made sense. all the pieces fit. ]

We're being fucking toyed with. If they wanted us to save the world, they would have told us fucking how by now.

[ We're being toyed with. That's a sentiment that he's started to feel, since getting here. With the doors, the endless clues that seem to lead to absolutely nowhere.

Bodhi smiles, abet humorlessly, shoulders drooping somewhat. ]

I hate to say it, but I kind of agree with you. All these clues, it's leading us nowhere or to more things that don't make sense. It's like a game.

Edited 2018-06-17 23:25 (UTC)

Yeah.

[ a game. and he didn't like being someone's fucking pawn. if there was good money being paid, he'd tolerate it but there was nothing of the sort happening here so fuck this and fuck everything about it. ]

And here we are, running in the wheel just like they want us to do because if we don't, we'll probably just fucking die.

[ not on his agenda. ]

[ Kovacs.....

Bodhi stares. He's been with him this far.

But then, some of what's happened. People being hurt, hell, even killed by unexplained circumstances? There's a creeping feeling, a tingling in his fingertips, and he has to swallow down his fear. Ignore the panicked noise bubbling up in his throat. ]

Well I wasn't gonna say that, but... [ he clears his throat suddenly . ]

This wouldn't be so bad, if we had answers. If we knew what -- we're dealing with. And we could get ahead of it all.

[ #sorrynotsorry

he's never been that much of an optimist and all things considered, he can't find anything to be positive or even hopeful about here. the station was locked on and they'd had no communication with anyone thus far.

what else was he supposed to think? ]

But we don't.

[ they had nothing but each other and, kovacs wasn't sure about you, bodhi, but he doesn't much trust anyone on this bucket of metal. there's people that he tolerates (maybe even likes) but trust is harder to achieve. ]

You willing to put your life in the hands of someone here?

[ His shoulders slump a little, as Bodhi stares down at the bar-top. As much as he kind of hates it, it's not like he's wrong about that... they know so little, and he really doesn't know anyone.

But -- ]

Well, we're not gonna figure anything out if we're not willing to work together. We're all stuck here, so we should learn to trust one another. We all want something similar. Answers, for one thing ...

[ He's speaking quickly, gesturing as he talks in a way that could suggest he's a bit worked up. Maybe he would've not trusted before - but it's just one more thing that Rogue One had changed for him. ]

And we have enough here to fear without fearing the others trapped here.

You really think you could learn to trust a bunch of people you don't know?

[ that was pretty fucking optimistic there, bodhi. and naive. trust was a weapon. you allowed it to happen and it would be used against you at a moments notice. ]

What are we supposed to work together at? Sitting here and being fucking stuck? Staring at the walls? Drinking?

[ now that was something he could get behind. ]

You don't think you could? [ it's a fair thought, but. ] Look, I get that it's not ideal, but how else are we going to accomplish anything if we can't even try?

We don't learn to trust one another, we might as well give up.

[ a beat ]

And the alcohol isn't gonna last us forever. As it is, we're running a little low.

I don't.

[ simple, to the point, honest. ]

I can work with people just fine without trusting them but I don't think I'm gonna put my fucking life in anyone's hands. My life's my own.

[ and he was gonna be the one to get himself killed, thank you. ]

Also, don't remind me about the alcohol.

[ But what about the power of friendship? ]

If you say so.

[ Bodhi sighs. They're going to have to come to terms with it going, sooner or later. ]

I don't know, I think we'll be alright, once it's gone. We'll miss it a lot at first, but eventually become used to it's absence in our lives.

Edited 2018-06-25 03:31 (UTC)

[ kovacs doesn't know if he wants to get used to a station with no alcohol. it had been one of the better coping mechanisms he'd had over the years, one that he could indulge in and still be fairly focused.

facing this shitty situation without alcohol wasn't going to be fun and he wasn't going to be getting used to it anytime soon. ]

Doesn't sound like something I want to do.

[ but he knows it's going to come. alcohol is a finite resource and it wouldn't last. hopefully miller's toilet wine came along quick. ]

I'll have to find another way to outlet my tensions.

[ punching things seemed like a good option but who in the hell could he punch and not kill here? ]

I think if we were getting to do what we wanted, most of us wouldn't even be here. [ which is... probably true. Maybe not entirely in Bodhi's case but that was neither here nor there. ]

There are a few other options. There is... well, there's a gym, where you could work on those tensions. I'm sure if we wait long enough, there'll be some other thing for us to deal with.

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