( open ) i am desperate if nothing else

[onlydoubts]

» WHO? bodhi rook + yourself!
» WHEN? after the gravity comes back
» WHERE? the bar
» WHAT? bodhi gets a reminder from home

» WARNINGS? spoilers from rogue one - possible canon typical subjects such as planetary destruction, death, as well as nightmares...

[ He's heard about people getting things from home, sure. It's been brought up over the network a few times, but it's still startling to Bodhi, when one morning he reaches into his cupboard to pull out the standard issue jumpsuit and his hand brushes over fabric that's different but familiar - and he freezes for a moment before pulling out the uniform. The grey flightsuit with it's scuffed symbol of the Galactic Empire - with it's tattered sleeves and places he'd chosen to mend the material rather than get rid of it...

"It's a reminder... of what I had to do to get here." is what he'd told Jyn. That hasn't changed. It still has that meaning, but it's also a reminder - he doesn't know what happened. On Scarif, to the others - but he's sure that he didn't make it.

With a sigh, Bodhi pulls the uniform on. ]

a ) the bar - an ungodly hour

[ Though, is it really? Time passes differently in space, there are not really cycles of day or night - only the aforementioned time on the device. So, yes. It is late. Closer to breakfast, than dinner. And he couldn't sleep, and when he did - he couldn't stay asleep. So here we are. Bodhi has never been much of a drinker, not really. On occasion, when he'd had the opportunity to stop at a decent cantina while planetside - but these trips got less and less frequent when he'd been transferred to make runs from Jedha to Eadu.

He's wearing his uniform -- his Imperial uniform, just having gone from one jumpsuit to another. But the goggles are not on presently, perhaps due to the large gash that ran from the bridge of his nose, and diagonally above his left eye, almost up to his hairline. A result of debris nearly smashing his helmet when he'd been on his space walk. Instead, he has them in his hands, fidgeting with the straps, a half drunk glass of something that is definitely not Corellian brandy in front of him, and a faraway look in his eyes. But if you sit by him, he'll look up after a moment or two. ]

Hey. Evening. I mean... morning. 

b) elsewhere

[ Later, Bodhi can be found wandering the halls of different decks - he's still exploring the ship, looking for the others he was with before. Even if every day he doesn't find them, he's a little less hopeful that they're here. In the mess hall, he normally sits on his own, with a cup of coffee, picking at his food.

It's rare he goes by the exercise room, warnings of muscle loss aside - he just doesn't... enjoy that kind of physical activity. Still, he tries - taking out frustration on a punching bag with forceful hits that lack any kind of skill or precision. He seems winded after barely five minutes. ]

Comments

[resleeves]

Get off?

[ kovacs was going with a much darker, bloodier end. after that ominous message he'd woken up to when he'd gotten here, he can't see any other end but some kind of death for the fuckers that were here before them. ]

That's optimistic. I'm pretty sure they died.

[ he would admit that there was no evidence of death, no smell of rot but there were parts of this place that were locked off. maybe this station sealed itself off to protect them.

or maybe they'd just gotten lucky and all the bad shit was elsewhere. ]

Where do you think they'd go if they got off? Down to that planet to fucking ignore us?

[onlydoubts]

[ That's... a dark way of looking at it. It's certainly a possibility, sure. ]

That's pessimistic. [ Bodhi shakes his head, drums his fingers against the side of his glass. ]

But it's just... a ship of this side would require a very large crew. These rooms had people in them before us, you know? If they were all dead, where's the sign of struggle, and why are there no bodies to be found?

[ Another pause. ]

Maybe. They left it for some reason. I think it had something to do with that message we heard, when we woke up here.

[resleeves]

Pessimistic my middle name.

[ it fit well with lev, didn't it? ]

If they all left, where's the signs that they were here before us? You find any shit that got left behind? Anyone's moldy food sitting around? A sock that didn't make it in a bag?

[ point was, nothing about this fucking place made sense. n o t h i n g.]

If there's people on that planet, they sure as shit don't care what's up here.

[onlydoubts]

Speaking of names, I'm Bodhi.

[ He could be pessimistic about a lot of things, himself. But meeting Jyn Erso and the rest of Rogue One -- Rebellions are built on Hope... he was trying.

But you know, sitting here in the bar, feeling like he'd somehow failed them, doubting why they're here or the fate of the people who'd been here before. A lifetime of doubt isn't so easily absolved. Guess he's not doing a great job in that regard. ]

I did. There was a brush in the room I picked out. It was just sitting there, bit of hair still left in the bristles and everything. People have found other things -- look at this stuff around us, it didn't get here on it's own.

[ He sighs. Yeah... okay, he'll give him that. ]

You're probably right, though.

[resleeves]

Kovacs.

[ maybe one day he'll slip up and tell someone his first name. and maybe one day he'll wake up and his sister will be right there, ready to take him back to harlan's world.

and maybe other fucking impossible things would happen. he's not getting his hopes up. ]

The only thing that was there when I woke up was me and the stench of space.

[ he thought he'd died and gone back to ctac. not fun. ]

[onlydoubts]

Kovacs. Hey.

[ Space had been the last of Bodhi's worries - in fact, seeing it had been probably as much of a surprise to him, as any. Given where he'd been, before.

(The stars were a comfort, and he'd always wanted to fly. Now he has little to do but look at them, it's just that they're unreachable here). ]

Have you ever been, before? Up here, in space? I know not everyone has.

[resleeves]

Yeah.

[ it had been awhile since his ctac days but he still remembered the rumble of the ship, the way it rocked back and forth during turbulence and catching glimpses of passing stars while they waited missions orders. ]

Not something I wanted to repeat.

[ this wasn't ctac but he still could see jaeger's fucking face every time he looked at the stars. ]

Nothing too special up here.

[onlydoubts]

No? [ Bodhi shrugs, and it's clear that he disagrees from the look on his face. ] I've always thought the stars were something wonderful - wanted to be a pilot, you know? Now it's just -- they're there, but we're stuck looking at that same stretch of them, with that planet just out of reach.

[ He shakes his head, finishes his drink. ]

[resleeves]

[ now that tone of hopelessness and 'giving the fuck up', that was one he knew well. he'd felt like that after quell's death and he'd felt like that a few times getting dumped on this station.

it was hard not to just get fucking sick of looking at the same stars every single day and know that you might die looking at them. ]

We're being fucked with.

[ he's been going with apollo's theory as the right one for awhile now because it made sense. all the pieces fit. ]

We're being fucking toyed with. If they wanted us to save the world, they would have told us fucking how by now.

[onlydoubts]

[ We're being toyed with. That's a sentiment that he's started to feel, since getting here. With the doors, the endless clues that seem to lead to absolutely nowhere.

Bodhi smiles, abet humorlessly, shoulders drooping somewhat. ]

I hate to say it, but I kind of agree with you. All these clues, it's leading us nowhere or to more things that don't make sense. It's like a game.

[resleeves]

Yeah.

[ a game. and he didn't like being someone's fucking pawn. if there was good money being paid, he'd tolerate it but there was nothing of the sort happening here so fuck this and fuck everything about it. ]

And here we are, running in the wheel just like they want us to do because if we don't, we'll probably just fucking die.

[ not on his agenda. ]

[onlydoubts]

[ Kovacs.....

Bodhi stares. He's been with him this far.

But then, some of what's happened. People being hurt, hell, even killed by unexplained circumstances? There's a creeping feeling, a tingling in his fingertips, and he has to swallow down his fear. Ignore the panicked noise bubbling up in his throat. ]

Well I wasn't gonna say that, but... [ he clears his throat suddenly . ]

This wouldn't be so bad, if we had answers. If we knew what -- we're dealing with. And we could get ahead of it all.

[resleeves]

[ #sorrynotsorry

he's never been that much of an optimist and all things considered, he can't find anything to be positive or even hopeful about here. the station was locked on and they'd had no communication with anyone thus far.

what else was he supposed to think? ]

But we don't.

[ they had nothing but each other and, kovacs wasn't sure about you, bodhi, but he doesn't much trust anyone on this bucket of metal. there's people that he tolerates (maybe even likes) but trust is harder to achieve. ]

You willing to put your life in the hands of someone here?

[onlydoubts]

[ His shoulders slump a little, as Bodhi stares down at the bar-top. As much as he kind of hates it, it's not like he's wrong about that... they know so little, and he really doesn't know anyone.

But -- ]

Well, we're not gonna figure anything out if we're not willing to work together. We're all stuck here, so we should learn to trust one another. We all want something similar. Answers, for one thing ...

[ He's speaking quickly, gesturing as he talks in a way that could suggest he's a bit worked up. Maybe he would've not trusted before - but it's just one more thing that Rogue One had changed for him. ]

And we have enough here to fear without fearing the others trapped here.

[resleeves]

You really think you could learn to trust a bunch of people you don't know?

[ that was pretty fucking optimistic there, bodhi. and naive. trust was a weapon. you allowed it to happen and it would be used against you at a moments notice. ]

What are we supposed to work together at? Sitting here and being fucking stuck? Staring at the walls? Drinking?

[ now that was something he could get behind. ]

[onlydoubts]

You don't think you could? [ it's a fair thought, but. ] Look, I get that it's not ideal, but how else are we going to accomplish anything if we can't even try?

We don't learn to trust one another, we might as well give up.

[ a beat ]

And the alcohol isn't gonna last us forever. As it is, we're running a little low.

[resleeves]

I don't.

[ simple, to the point, honest. ]

I can work with people just fine without trusting them but I don't think I'm gonna put my fucking life in anyone's hands. My life's my own.

[ and he was gonna be the one to get himself killed, thank you. ]

Also, don't remind me about the alcohol.

[onlydoubts]

[ But what about the power of friendship? ]

If you say so.

[ Bodhi sighs. They're going to have to come to terms with it going, sooner or later. ]

I don't know, I think we'll be alright, once it's gone. We'll miss it a lot at first, but eventually become used to it's absence in our lives.

[resleeves]

[ kovacs doesn't know if he wants to get used to a station with no alcohol. it had been one of the better coping mechanisms he'd had over the years, one that he could indulge in and still be fairly focused.

facing this shitty situation without alcohol wasn't going to be fun and he wasn't going to be getting used to it anytime soon. ]

Doesn't sound like something I want to do.

[ but he knows it's going to come. alcohol is a finite resource and it wouldn't last. hopefully miller's toilet wine came along quick. ]

I'll have to find another way to outlet my tensions.

[ punching things seemed like a good option but who in the hell could he punch and not kill here? ]

[onlydoubts]

I think if we were getting to do what we wanted, most of us wouldn't even be here. [ which is... probably true. Maybe not entirely in Bodhi's case but that was neither here nor there. ]

There are a few other options. There is... well, there's a gym, where you could work on those tensions. I'm sure if we wait long enough, there'll be some other thing for us to deal with.

[resleeves]

What good is a gym going to be for me?

[ it takes him a second to realize that bodhi's talking about exercise, burning calories with weights and cardio and that just sounds like...effort. and while effort is something he's willing to make when it's going to benefit him. ]

I don't feel like running in place for hours to burn off restless energy.

[ that's what sex was for. not that he was having any of that either. ]

If you're an expert in this, what are you doing to pass time?

[onlydoubts]

[ Bodhi resists the urge to roll his eyes at the question. ] You're the one who said they didn't know what else to do. Unless you'd rather just complain about having nothing and shooting down any suggestions given - that's something you seem to do well with, already.

[ exercise is something that they should do here, anyways?
... not that he's been doing much of it, either. ]

I've been... looking around. Speaking with people, trying to find someone. Well, several someones.

[resleeves]

[ oh bodhi, he thrived on being difficult. it was a thing. a shitty thing for those on the receiving end but a thing nonetheless. ]

Who've you been looking for?

[ the station wasn't that big so did bodhi think they were playing a game of hide and seek with him? ]

You haven't figured out if they're here or not?

[onlydoubts]

[ yeah, well! ]

A couple people I knew from before. [ Bodhi shrugs. ] I figure they're not here at this point, but it doesn't hurt to look. Maybe I'll find something interesting, in the meantime.

[ or, more dead ends and empty corners.

spoilers: he's found more of the later. ]

[resleeves]

And?

[ c'mon, the question was right there, bodhi, and it had to be asked. ]

You find anything interesting?

[ or just a whole lot of fail? ]