( open ) i am desperate if nothing else

[onlydoubts]

» WHO? bodhi rook + yourself!
» WHEN? after the gravity comes back
» WHERE? the bar
» WHAT? bodhi gets a reminder from home

» WARNINGS? spoilers from rogue one - possible canon typical subjects such as planetary destruction, death, as well as nightmares...

[ He's heard about people getting things from home, sure. It's been brought up over the network a few times, but it's still startling to Bodhi, when one morning he reaches into his cupboard to pull out the standard issue jumpsuit and his hand brushes over fabric that's different but familiar - and he freezes for a moment before pulling out the uniform. The grey flightsuit with it's scuffed symbol of the Galactic Empire - with it's tattered sleeves and places he'd chosen to mend the material rather than get rid of it...

"It's a reminder... of what I had to do to get here." is what he'd told Jyn. That hasn't changed. It still has that meaning, but it's also a reminder - he doesn't know what happened. On Scarif, to the others - but he's sure that he didn't make it.

With a sigh, Bodhi pulls the uniform on. ]

a ) the bar - an ungodly hour

[ Though, is it really? Time passes differently in space, there are not really cycles of day or night - only the aforementioned time on the device. So, yes. It is late. Closer to breakfast, than dinner. And he couldn't sleep, and when he did - he couldn't stay asleep. So here we are. Bodhi has never been much of a drinker, not really. On occasion, when he'd had the opportunity to stop at a decent cantina while planetside - but these trips got less and less frequent when he'd been transferred to make runs from Jedha to Eadu.

He's wearing his uniform -- his Imperial uniform, just having gone from one jumpsuit to another. But the goggles are not on presently, perhaps due to the large gash that ran from the bridge of his nose, and diagonally above his left eye, almost up to his hairline. A result of debris nearly smashing his helmet when he'd been on his space walk. Instead, he has them in his hands, fidgeting with the straps, a half drunk glass of something that is definitely not Corellian brandy in front of him, and a faraway look in his eyes. But if you sit by him, he'll look up after a moment or two. ]

Hey. Evening. I mean... morning. 

b) elsewhere

[ Later, Bodhi can be found wandering the halls of different decks - he's still exploring the ship, looking for the others he was with before. Even if every day he doesn't find them, he's a little less hopeful that they're here. In the mess hall, he normally sits on his own, with a cup of coffee, picking at his food.

It's rare he goes by the exercise room, warnings of muscle loss aside - he just doesn't... enjoy that kind of physical activity. Still, he tries - taking out frustration on a punching bag with forceful hits that lack any kind of skill or precision. He seems winded after barely five minutes. ]

Comments

[onlydoubts]

[ whats a fortune cookie ]

D'you belive that we're all gonna die here?

[pampa]

[ miller locks his eyes with bodhi then ] Those of us who aren't already dead.

[onlydoubts]

[ Bodhi sits up straighter, head tilted curiously. ]

... did you die back where you're from, too?

[pampa]

[ too ] Yeah, or so I've been told. [ this seems like a good time to drink, so he knocks the whole glass back ]

[onlydoubts]

You know for sure, then. [ Bodhi taps the edge of his glass, and grabs the bottle to refill it, some of it sloshing on the bartop. ]

I'm pretty sure I am, too.

[pampa]

[ he thinks about denying it... but what would be the point? ] They don't have any reason to lie.

You know anyone here... from home?

[onlydoubts]

I'm sorry. [ sorry, he's not really sure what you to say someone about this. ]

No. Someone's here from my home -- but we'd never met before, and he's from the past, anyways. Either way, I'm pretty sure.

[ it's actually more upsetting to not know what became of the rest of Rogue One. ]

cw: suicidal mentions

[pampa]

I'm not.

[ too honest maybe, but his expression is clear. at least he died for a good cause instead of splattering his brains on the wall of his apartment like muss was always worried he would. ]

See - that's interesting. And weird. The people from my system... we all know each other. Well, for the most part. Not just that, we've all been aboard the same ship at one time or another. The Rocinante. [ he waves a hand like it should mean something to bodhi, even knowing full well it won't. ] But we're all from different times, too. I think I'm the earliest on.

[ it's nice??? that they're glad he's alive. no, i lied, it sucks a big fat one. ]

[onlydoubts]

[ that, is something he can at least agree with. Dying with a cause over living the rest of his days, working for the Empire and chipping away pieces of himself until there was nothing left...

Bodhi also has heard of the ship, having met a few others of that particular crew. ]

I've met a few others, that were aboard The Rocinante. You're Miller, aren't you? Amos, he told me a little about what happened with the proto... [ he taps his fingers, trying to pull up the word ] protomolecule?

[ Death Star is so much of an easier name to remember, honestly. ]

I think what bothers me the most is that I don't know what becomes of the rest of my team. I'm the pilot, was supposed to get everyone off planet.

[pampa]

[ oh SHIT. is it too late to bail? he's glancing towards the exit and then back to bodhi like he's trying to make the call. ]

I see my reputation goddamn precedes me. [ it's alex again, isn't it? it's always alex. miller slams the rest of his drink and sets it down hard on the bartop, eyes crossing briefly. ]

If you're dead, it doesn't really matter, right? [ that's what he tells himself to get through the day, honestly. ] And if you don't know now, no amount of wallowing is gonna change that, is it, kid?

[onlydoubts]

[ Don't worry Miller, your reputation is still mostly intact? ] A little. I mean, he wasn't very, detailed as to what happened. Just that you wound up not crashing into Earth? And that you uh, died.

[ Spoilers, no it wasn't Alex. ]

No, it's not. It's just... it's not that easy. [ Bodhi doesn't know how to turn that part of him off, the part of him that feels responsible that he hadn't been good enough for Saw Gerrera to believe him. The part that feels like he hadn't really done enough. ] I know it doesn't change anything. I know that.

[pampa]

[ oh that doesn't sound like alex. alex would have been specific, gushing really. ] Amos? [ that's more acceptable, honestly. ]

But you keep replayin' it in your head over and over anyway. [ it's grim, almost like he can relate. ]

[onlydoubts]

Yeah, it was Amos. [ a slight grin ] He also said you have a stupid hat and that -- well, the rest was a little bit ruder.

[ he'd almost seemed fond. ]

Yes. If I could stop, I would, but. [ he can't. even sleep offers no reprieve. ]

[pampa]

It's okay, all Earthers are rude.

[ he smiles actually, like it's an inside joke. maybe it is. amos the wannabe belter and miller the wannabe earther, neither of them entirely what they were born anyway. the smile is shortlived as bodhi goes on and miller looks down at the bartop, legs hooking in the rungs under his stool as if to anchor himself in. ]

Hang onto it, kid. It just means you're alive at the end of the day. [ and what more could two dead guys ask for, right? ]

[onlydoubts]

You're not Earth? Mars, or -- [ what had Alex called it, mistaken him for? ] Belt? [ Bodhi catches that look, turns away quickly to continue staring down at his half finished drink. ]

That seems... [ tiresome, to hold onto that pain day in and day out, but it's not a new concept for him. He shakes his head. ] Is that how you get through it?

[pampa]

[ he gives him a look like what do u think. ]

Who says I get through it? [ his drink is lifted to his lips to hide his expression some. it would be a joke if it weren't so... sad. r i p ]

[onlydoubts]

Ah. Right. [ this is sad. Bodhi sighs, lets his shoulders slump - and quickly downs the rest of his glass.

He winces and coughs, pulls a face: ]

This stuff is terrible.

[ depressingly so, like engine fuel. ]

[pampa]

Yeah, but it does what it's supposed to do. If only everything was this simple, eh?

[ he swirls his glass, staring at the liquid in it before taking a pause to consider, then downing the rest. ]