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» WHO? The Roci Crew and whoever else wants in on this mess
» WHEN? after the gravity is back
» WHERE? A few different places
» WHAT? A few different prompts as well as a catch-all for any roci crew or related logs for the month of june
» WARNINGS? these are all just terrible people what do you want from me

001: Alex, Bobbie and Amos are Judging You

The Martians and the Earther are sitting at a table in the Mess Hall, and they've started a game. That game? To rate everyone else on the ship in order of attractiveness. Want to be rated? Find the comment header below, drop a picture in of your character, and watch the comments fly. Feel free to overhear them and give them hell.

002: Closed, Alex >> Frank

Going on the morning walk-about to search for Holden was ritual, at this point, and Alex was very used to Frank coming over first thing before they headed out. So the door was already open, waiting for him. Alex was fishing through his drawers, trying to find where he'd stashed that singular glove that he'd found, to show him for a laugh. But instead his fingers found something else - a thin sheet of plastic, creased and bent a hundred thousand times, and Alex's heart nearly stopped.

He pulled it out of the drawer like it was made of plutonium, careful not to touch the edges of the drawer with it.

Christ. Oh, Christ.

003: Open, Alex >> Anyone who wants to find this wrecked man.

He goes straight to the bar.

It's not that he isn't a fairly regular fixture there, anyway, but especially right now, all he really wants is to drink until he numbs everything. So hi, have a depressed Martian with a bottle of who knows what, sitting at the bar and just staring at a picture of a woman and a child smiling lovingly at the camera. He keeps stroking his thumb over it, then looking wrecked and saying something like 'god damn it' under his breath before he pours himself another drink. One of his arms is still wrapped up in a sling against his chest.

If he recognizes you, he might look up when you get close, and sigh. "Hey, partner. Everythin' alright?" Because it's a lot easier to worry about other people, than to keep being miserable about yourself.

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"What?" She's studying him carefully, trying to read his expression. He's pale, and terrified, and that's all she can make out. Was it some kind of dream? A hallucination? Is he sick? "What do you mean? Were you throwing up?"

"No, no it was - I was -" He pulled in a deep, hard breath, glancing back towards the shower.

"I can- I can show you. I'll show you. Just - just let me have a drink first, okay? I can't - I don't want to lose too much."

"...Okay." There's concern leaking into her voice, because if she's honest with herself, he sounds... crazy. Like he's losing his mind. If she says no, though, she has a feeling he'll panic even more, so she just nods towards the shower.

"Go ahead, but then we're heading back to my quarters. Alright?"

He lets out a frustrated sound, as he takes a drink, then turns the shower off.

"No, that won't work. I don't mean - it ain't happening now - I can't show you that, but it--" His tried to breathe properly but it was coming too fast, thinking about it was making his heart race again. "It's still there, the - the stain, on my floor, on my clothes -- it wasn't just - you can see it."

Edited 2018-06-11 04:03 (UTC)

She's at a loss for a second. She's still not sure what he's talking about, but "the stain" is ominous. He's near hyperventilating again, and she reaches for his arm, trying to steady him.

"Alright. I'll come with you and you can show me." Honestly, she's not sure if she hopes it's there or if she hopes it's not.

He calms a little, though whether it's her hand on his arm or her agreement that has him relaxing is unclear. He just nods, trying to force his breath closer.

He leads her there, even though he hesitates for a few seconds at the door, before opening it. The scene is much the same as he left it. The crusted dried stain of sweat on the floor where he fell, but also on his sheets, and the jumpsuit that is flung over the back of the chair. The shards of shattered class still lay on the sink.

Bobbie is trying to stay calm for him, but as soon as she takes that in, she sucks in a sharp breath. Her hand doesn't leave his arm, and her eyes narrow. She can't help but tense, mind racing. He still hasn't painted an entirely clear picture, but looking at his room, she can imagine, and her mind isn't supplying anything pleasant.

"What happened? Can you walk me through it?"

He doesn't go far into the room - standing in the doorway so the door can't close on them. He swallows, and the barest hint of thirst almost sends him into a panic again, but Gunny is here and she asked him a question so he tries to shove the panic away. It doesn't really work, instead his voice just comes out very uneven.

"Woke up and I was - I was just drenched in sweat," he said, looking at the bed. "Tried to go get a drink, but broke the glass, and -" He swallowed again, his heart rate picking up. "Gunny, I swear, I- I looked in the mirror and it was like my- my skin was just hangin' off my bones, and the sweat - I don't know if I can even call it that - it was runnin' off my like rivers, like - like somethin' was squeezin' every molecule of moisture outta my cells, and- and my legs failed, and- and I - the whole time, I heard them, like they were right goddamn there--"

"Okay, okay." Bobbie steps back to pull him out of the room. He doesn't need to stare at the remnants of whatever happened in there. She rubs up and down his arm gently, trying to keep him from spiraling back into panic again. "Who did you hear?"

He barely acknowledges the way that her hand rubs his arm, though getting out of sight of the room itself seems to help a little. At the question, however, he suddenly looks extremely ill, and starts shaking his head.

"I never -- I never wanted to hurt 'em, Gunny." His voice was almost pleading. "Knew my duty, I did, and I tried to keep it - I tried, but I ain't- I ain't - I wouldn't have left if I thought I could-- I never meant to hurt 'em, either of them, I didn't want to--"

Edited 2018-06-11 13:19 (UTC)

"Are you talking about your family?" She asks, trying to keep the shock out of her voice. None of this makes any sense, and it's clear he wasn't hallucinating all of it, which means that part of it was some sort of actual physical effect and part of it was in his head. It makes her heart twist. "You heard them but you didn't see them?"

He shakes his head - not because he's saying no but because he's trying to clear his head.

"They ain't here. Right? They can't be here. They wouldn't just -- they wouldn't just stand there, right? They wouldn't just leave me like that - - even if they hate me, Gunny, even if they should hate me, they wouldn't leave me like that--"

"They wouldn't." Bobbie knows next to nothing about Talissa, but whatever her issues with Alex, she doubts he would marry someone that cruel. Besides, she's fairly certain a kid on the station would attract attention. "People have been hearing things in the walls. You were probably hearing things, too."

Which doesn't explain the rest of it, but... One step at a time.

He nods, roughly, gulping a little air and trying to make his heart slow down.

"Probably was - probably hallucinatin', right? Losin'... losin' so much water that I was just hearin' things..." He doesn't sound so much like he believes it rather than that he's trying to believe it.

When he speaks again, his voice it quiet.

"I shouldn't be alive, Gunny. I shouldn't -- ain't no one that can live through that, my skin was comin' right off my bones--"

"Are you sure that happened? Do you know how much of it was real and how much of it was a hallucination?" There's sweat all over his room, obviously, but what he's describing... He's right. No one could survive that. It doesn't make any sense.

"I felt it. I saw it. Tali-- My-- I could hear 'em but I couldn't see 'em, and that's - that's why they weren't there, right? They can't be here. But my hands--"

He had to look, again, the reminder making him paranoid - so he pulled his hands up and turned them over, checking - but they were still fine. "I don't know. I don't know, Gunny, I don't-- I don't trust myself, and no one was there--"

Bobbie lets out a breath, then steps forward to wrap her arms around him. She doesn't know how to get him to stop panicking, but maybe it'll help. Seeing him like this is heartbreaking, and she can't even help him figure out what happened, because she has no idea.

"I'm here now. You're okay, Alex. You're safe."

He doesn't feel safe. He feels about the farthest damn thing he's felt from safe - even when they were on the Donnager or when they had the hybrid on the Roci. He doesn't know what the hell is happening to him and he feels like he's lost it almost completely.

The only reason he's holding it together at all is that it only seems to have happened to him. Bobbie's arms are warm and firm and more importantly full - there's no muscle disappearing, no tendons pulled into sharp relief under her skin. She's fine, Prax is fine, Amos is fine -- his family is okay, other than him, and that's enough to keep him from dissolving completely.

He doesn't return the hug, just lets her hug him, and tries to breathe.

She thinks his breathing is evening out a bit, which is a total relief. Bobbie squeezes tightly, just on the verge of a bear hug, before stepping back, keeping her hands on his shoulders.

"We'll figure this out, okay? You can crash in my quarters if you want." Going back to that room isn't going to do him any good.

"I don't think any of us should be sleepin' alone." It's low, and it's dark, and it's worried. "I couldn't even raise my comm, I-- none of you should be alone, ever, we can't -" he sucked in a breath, his eyes sliding away from her. They were dark with shame, but he still continued.

"There's family rooms - like crew bunks. We should - we should be stayin' in those, not separately, where who knows what the hell can happen to us when the others ain't there--"

"Alright." It's not a terrible idea, at least until they know what's actually going on. "We can talk to the rest of the crew, pick out a room to share. Maybe rotate through watch shifts."

He was expecting a fight - that much is obvious - so when she agrees, it takes a few seconds to process before he just looks extremely relieved and tired.

He swallows, nodding.

"... Yeah. Yeah, okay."

Okay. That's settled. Bobbie sighs, rolling her shoulders, trying to relieve a bit of the tension.

"They don't hate you, Alex."

His eyes slide away, the voices echoing in his head with far more clarity than they usually did.

"You don't know that, Gunny." It was quiet, and it was resigned. If it wasn't for the way they kept echoing in his head, he would say he didn't know either. But now he wasn't so sure. Now he thought he knew.

And he couldn't blame them.

He was coming down off the panic, now, but that just meant he was exhausted and didn't know what to do with himself.

"They're not here. Whatever you heard wasn't real."

There's no possible way it could be, and now he's letting himself get all tangled up in a hallucination.

"You were already feeling guilty. You don't think that influenced whatever this was?"