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[donkeyballs]

» WHO? The Roci Crew and whoever else wants in on this mess
» WHEN? after the gravity is back
» WHERE? A few different places
» WHAT? A few different prompts as well as a catch-all for any roci crew or related logs for the month of june
» WARNINGS? these are all just terrible people what do you want from me


001: Alex, Bobbie and Amos are Judging You

The Martians and the Earther are sitting at a table in the Mess Hall, and they've started a game. That game? To rate everyone else on the ship in order of attractiveness. Want to be rated? Find the comment header below, drop a picture in of your character, and watch the comments fly. Feel free to overhear them and give them hell.


002: Closed, Alex >> Frank

Going on the morning walk-about to search for Holden was ritual, at this point, and Alex was very used to Frank coming over first thing before they headed out. So the door was already open, waiting for him. Alex was fishing through his drawers, trying to find where he'd stashed that singular glove that he'd found, to show him for a laugh. But instead his fingers found something else - a thin sheet of plastic, creased and bent a hundred thousand times, and Alex's heart nearly stopped.

He pulled it out of the drawer like it was made of plutonium, careful not to touch the edges of the drawer with it.

Christ. Oh, Christ.


003: Open, Alex >> Anyone who wants to find this wrecked man.

He goes straight to the bar.

It's not that he isn't a fairly regular fixture there, anyway, but especially right now, all he really wants is to drink until he numbs everything. So hi, have a depressed Martian with a bottle of who knows what, sitting at the bar and just staring at a picture of a woman and a child smiling lovingly at the camera. He keeps stroking his thumb over it, then looking wrecked and saying something like 'god damn it' under his breath before he pours himself another drink. One of his arms is still wrapped up in a sling against his chest.

If he recognizes you, he might look up when you get close, and sigh. "Hey, partner. Everythin' alright?" Because it's a lot easier to worry about other people, than to keep being miserable about yourself.

Comments

[donkeyballs]

He does need a push, but there's little resistance once he gets it - stumbling back out of the room in a bit of a daze.

"Yeah. Your office." He says it like that's definitely both a thing that exists, and a thing that makes sense to exist.

Look. He's a little out of it.

[pampa]

Miller knocks his shoulder into Alex's gently to get him to turn around, then he starts walking that way before waiting to see if the man will follow.

"Just wait til you see what I've done with the place."

[donkeyballs]

He does follow, though it takes a few seconds for the command to process from his brain to him limbs, and he keeps getting distracting by looking at his hands and expecting them to suddenly start dissolving on him.

But he followed.

[pampa]

He keeps jostling the other man a little as he walks briskly, trying to get Alex to the bar as quickly as he can and also keep him from retreating inside the instant replay of that awful moment.

"You ever been to Ceres, Duster?"

[donkeyballs]

"Uh - yeah." The question is far enough from left field to work as a distraction.

"The Cant used to dock there - took plenty of shore leave there. That's- that's where you're from, right?"

[pampa]

"Yep. Eros was the first time I ever left." He smiles grimly at the memory, saying goodbye to Muss and everything he'd ever known. "When's the last time you set foot on Mars?"

[donkeyballs]

"... Little over five years ago, now." The guilt cut through him painfully, the demanding questions from the night before - the voices - echoing in his head.

Why did you leave?

"Kept meanin' to go back, but..."

[pampa]

Touchy. Miller wonders if it's because of recent events or if he's always touchy about this. He'd never had cause to ask Alex about his family before, but he knows. He'd seen his ring, the picture he keeps at his pilot's chair. Sorry, Alex, this is [probably] for your own good. He almost feels a little bit guilty about reopening an old wound, at least?

"Family life doesn't compare to the nonstop thrillride that's your life now, right? I get that."

[donkeyballs]

"That ain't it." Touchy was right, apparently, the denial immediate. "Unless you somehow think ice and gas haulin' is a thrill ride."

He looked queasy, and he tried not to check his hands again. "I just- I couldn't hack it, alright? Any of it. I tried."

[pampa]

He grunts, another acknowledgment. Not everyone was cut out for marriage and family. He sure as hell wasn't. "Yeah, you're a damn ice hauler like I'm a dirtbag cop from Ceres." Miller shoves Alex gently through the doorway of the elevator car before following after and slotting in at his side. He speaks like someone might overhear then, like he's keeping a secret; though there's no one else around. "Some guys are good at all that. Wife, kids, 9-to-5, kiss hello, kiss goodbye. But not us. Maybe that makes us scumbags, you know, I really couldn't tell you. Maybe we're just, uh... wired differently."

[donkeyballs]

Alex kind of sinks into himself, not quite leaning back against the wall of the elevator, but close.

"Just couldn't stop dreamin' of flying," he admits quietly. He didn't want to admit how true the statement about the 9-5 sounded to him. A large part of him still hated himself, for not being able to do what every good Martian should. "Just got more and more miserable every day I was locked to the ground."

[pampa]

Miller goes so far as to let the wall of the car hold him up, knowing Alex is uncomfortable. He doesn't like making him feel that way, but he's on the case now and all that that entails. He's not going to half-ass it - not when it's Alex.

"And you think they want someone like that around? Who resents them for keeping him grounded?"

[donkeyballs]

Alex wishes he could just sort of melt into the floor. He looks, and feels, queasy, and their taunting voices start stirring up in the back of his head again.

"That ain't fair," he said quietly, miserably. "I don't resent 'em. That ain't - that ain't what happened. That ain't how it happened."

[pampa]

"Okay," Miller starts, unconcerned with Alex's apparent emotion. That's normal, he thinks, but it isn't what he's after. He waits for the jump of the elevator, floating in 0 G rather than engaging his boots before floating gently back down to the floor. "How did it happen then?"

[donkeyballs]

Alex's boots, on the other hand, are engaged, and his eyes are on them rather than Miller while they're talking.

"I just - I couldn't do what she needed. I couldn't do what either of them needed. At the very least if I was flyin' I could provide for 'em in some way, right? Without wantin' to do myself in."

[pampa]

"And you blame yourself." Miller slaps the open door button and nudges gently at Alex's arm to get him to start walking before he does, afraid he'll miss the cue otherwise. "Maybe they blame you, too. I'm not here to be your therapist, Kamal. You asked me to investigate so I need to know everything you know if you wanna crack this thing."

[donkeyballs]

He would have missed the cue, but Miller gets him walking. And he sighs, miserably.

"Family, Miller. A big one. A martian one. The whole point is to have as big a family as possible, and - and we could only manage one."

One kid.

One that survived, anyway.

He swallowed.

"It ain't easy, when it don't work. On anyone."

[pampa]

"Mars has babies to fight the good fight. Belt has babies so maybe one will live." So he's familiar with the concept. He can imagine how much it hurts, losing a child. But he's never felt it, so he can't really understand. No one who hadn't ever could. The failed relationship thing though? That he's got down to a science. "It's not easy but you found a new family, a new purpose. Sometimes people aren't just one thing."

[donkeyballs]

He swallowed, nodded. "... Yeah. Yeah, I - Sorry. Just got into my head, you know? Kept hearin' their voices, over and over, demandin' to know why I left Mars."

He looked at Miller. "... But it wasn't them. Was it. They weren't actually there. They'd never have just - they wouldn't have just left me there--"

/end scene

[pampa]

He waits for Alex to get through that one on his own because he's really not good at reassurances. Thankfully, it isn't a long wait.

"No. It wasn't them. It's this goddamn station. So keep calm and try to help me figure out how this is happening." His eyes are sharp and focused for a change as he leads Alex through the doorway. He pats the man on the back for good measure. "Just start from the top."