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» WHO? The Roci Crew and whoever else wants in on this mess
» WHEN? after the gravity is back
» WHERE? A few different places
» WHAT? A few different prompts as well as a catch-all for any roci crew or related logs for the month of june
» WARNINGS? these are all just terrible people what do you want from me

001: Alex, Bobbie and Amos are Judging You

The Martians and the Earther are sitting at a table in the Mess Hall, and they've started a game. That game? To rate everyone else on the ship in order of attractiveness. Want to be rated? Find the comment header below, drop a picture in of your character, and watch the comments fly. Feel free to overhear them and give them hell.

002: Closed, Alex >> Frank

Going on the morning walk-about to search for Holden was ritual, at this point, and Alex was very used to Frank coming over first thing before they headed out. So the door was already open, waiting for him. Alex was fishing through his drawers, trying to find where he'd stashed that singular glove that he'd found, to show him for a laugh. But instead his fingers found something else - a thin sheet of plastic, creased and bent a hundred thousand times, and Alex's heart nearly stopped.

He pulled it out of the drawer like it was made of plutonium, careful not to touch the edges of the drawer with it.

Christ. Oh, Christ.

003: Open, Alex >> Anyone who wants to find this wrecked man.

He goes straight to the bar.

It's not that he isn't a fairly regular fixture there, anyway, but especially right now, all he really wants is to drink until he numbs everything. So hi, have a depressed Martian with a bottle of who knows what, sitting at the bar and just staring at a picture of a woman and a child smiling lovingly at the camera. He keeps stroking his thumb over it, then looking wrecked and saying something like 'god damn it' under his breath before he pours himself another drink. One of his arms is still wrapped up in a sling against his chest.

If he recognizes you, he might look up when you get close, and sigh. "Hey, partner. Everythin' alright?" Because it's a lot easier to worry about other people, than to keep being miserable about yourself.

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It always matters. Everything matters. Maybe space and time don't care, but every person deserves life. If they want to hold onto it is up to them, but no one's life or death is unimportant.

[She's not sure she believes her own bullshit, but she's always been a brilliant liar.]

Then why do you not care about living?

[ You can't fool him, Clara. ]

You were ready to walk out into space without a suit. You shouldn't lecture anyone about life being important when you don't value your own.

[She's not sure she likes whatever this is you're going through, Amos.]

... My life is over. Back home, I've lost everything that ever mattered. My family, my friends, they think they've buried me, but this- [A single finger to her neck, just like before.] It was meant to save me, but I didn't want that. I was ready to die. Sometimes I think I even wanted to. So no, I don't value my life. It's empty, and it's dark, and it doesn't mean anything to me. Not compared to everyone else's, everyone on this station who has something to go back to.

What makes you think everyone here has something to go back to? Some people might be just like you.

[ He tilts his head, giving her a look, still as empty as before. ]

We're just specks of dust. We don't matter, in the big picture. You can keep thinking I'm wrong, but it's the way it is.

[She doesn’t bother correcting him on the wording of her statement; she’s too distracted and unnerved by what she sees - or doesn’t see - in his eyes.]

I don’t think you’re specks. [“You”. Not “we”.] I think you’re giants.

[Maybe, hours from now, she’ll realize who said that to her first, years and years ago.]

Everyone’s life matters. My life mattered. But that doesn’t mean that I wanted it.

Edited 2018-06-25 18:57 (UTC)

Why didn't you?

[ Amos doesn't stop looking at her. His face loses all expression as he speaks next. ]

I am what I am, I do what I do. But I'm a murderer. Does that make my life as valuable as someone like you?

[She shrugs.] I don't know. Good old-fashioned depression, maybe.

[Human minds aren't really that complicated. It doesn't take being a doctor to know that she never got over Danny, that her grief was the start of it all. She had always been a risk-taker, but she had never been quite so comfortable with the thought of dying before.]

And I'm nothing special, Amos.

You've said it yourself: you've saved the universe a few times. That's nothing special?

[ His tone is still as flat as it's been before, and he completely sidesteps her comment about depression, unable to even understand it right now. If he was feeling differently, like himself, he might find this conversation extremely interesting. As it is, he feels like he's just stating facts. ]

You should talk to Miller. He wants to die, too.

It doesn't make me special. I certainly don't do it for the accolades.

[Not that doing it for the thrill is much nicer.]

And that certainly sounds like it would be a cheery conversation. I'll be sure to hit him up.

You seem to enjoy talking about it. Your state, and what it all means. After all, wasn't I some experiment, too? See if you could or couldn't feel that way too?

[ He doesn't care if she used him. It just feels like it's the truth. ]

I'm just giving you more opportunities to talk about it. You don't have to take me up on it.

[She's quiet for a moment, eyes trailing down to her knees. As impersonal as she's always tried to be with him, it feels like he just reached inside and prodded at her heart. But if it's the hard truth he's going to be spouting, she might as well correct it.]

You weren't an experiment. I slept with you because I was alone, and I was sad, and I wanted to forget. [The past tense is useless; all those things are still true. She was adamant about keeping her memories, back on the burnt-out husk of Gallifrey, but sometimes she wonders if she wouldn't change that call, now that she knows what it's like to go on when everything you've ever known is over.]

Did it make you feel any better, to sleep with me?

[The truth is, she's really not sure. It made her feel good. It made her feel wanted. For a little while, she forgot. But it wasn't lasting, for sure.]

A bit. [She looks pointedly away from him.] Enough that I wouldn't mind it again, sometime.

[ Amos makes a tiny noise in the back of his throat, nodding. ]

An invitation, huh? I'll take it.

[She looks up at him, and then starts to stand.]

I’ll give you a ring, then.

[Only she won’t, because Frank and his meddling will get in the way first.]

Don’t be a stranger, yeah?

[She’s got to go contact Alex. Something still doesn’t feel right.]

Won't be.

[ She's given him the invitation, after all. He'd be a fool not to make the most of it, and Amos is not a fool.

He doesn't look back at Clara as she walks away. ]